Celebrating Women... And the Award Goes to.....

Today, March 8, 2016, is International Women's Day. 
I looked that up on the computer and I'm still not sure what it really is about. It has something to do with "Gender Parity". I had to look that up to and by definition it means:
"The Gender Parity Index is a socioeconomic index usually designed to measure the relative access to education of males and females. In its simplest form, it is calculated as the quotient of the number of females by the number of males enrolled in a given stage of education (primary, secondary, etc.)"

OK, I'm not going there. I'm going where I first thought this was going. I thought this was about celebrating the women in your life who made a difference, proved something, and more importantly deserve to be given the Oscar, or Emmy, or Nobel Prize equivalent award to those who are just plain awesome in their own little circle and made a difference in someone's life.

So the without further ado....

And the Award Goes to...

Nellie Nadine Ostler!
My mom has been on my mind lately. January we celebrated her birthday. Dang! Do I miss her. Then my brother's son's future mother-in-law asked for wedding pictures of his grandparents and great-grandparents. Then my son left on his LDS mission and we were back in Utah, a place my mom loved and I saw all the things my mom use to talk about. Then I went to the doctors and they call me by my first name which I share with my mom. Then to top it off, my daughter tagged me in a Facebook post. This facebook post was one where you copy and paste the message and then tag a few more people. This one is about celebrating when you felt beautiful. She actually posted this picture of me and her.

I remember when I first thought my mom was beautiful. I was doing a 7th grade English paper and we had to interview someone in our family and I don't recall the rest of the assignment. I just remember staring at this photo of my mom and thinking, "Wow, she was very beautiful as a teen." 

My mom had me later in life and all my friend's moms were pretty young. They were "hip" and "with it" or at least I thought. I felt like my mom was stuck in the 50's and we were living in the late 70's early 80's and she just wasn't "with it". I actually had to take back that thought. I began to think of my mom as something other than my mom. She had been a teen (maybe she did know a little about teenage angst). She had been "in love" (maybe she did know something about heart break). She had been a student (maybe she did know a little about pressure to fit in or about assignment anxiety). Maybe there was more to her. 

There was. 

And for that she wins the first award in my selection for this International Women's Day award that I'm giving out.

The second recipient isn't a person but a group of people. Granted they all aren't women, but the majority of them are. The award goes to nurses. Today I have the honor of visiting my oncologist for the last time. No, I'm not getting kicked out because I'm cured. He is retiring. We had a lovely chat. He's going to Texas and unfortunately he is taking his lovely wife, his nurse with him. Nurse Sharon held my hand as Dr. K. took a bone biopsy. Nurse Sharon held my hand when she pumped chemicals into my body to kill the cancer. Nurse Sharon called to tell me happy news as well as sad news. Nurse Sharon was there ever step of the way. Today after my chat with Dr. K, I had to have my blood drawn. Nurse Sharon wasn't able to do it because she was administering chemotherapy to another patient. But I heard her words. They were almost the same words she spoke to me all those years ago. But as much as they might be the same, there was sincerity behind them. "Darling, I know this hurts." "Darling, I'm so sorry." "Darling, just hold on." "I'm almost done." "Darling, I know." And she does. She is a survivor herself. 

I waited for her to come out from behind the privacy curtain and then I stopped her and told her "Thank you for saving my life." Of course she wouldn't take credit for it, but I let her know how important the work she did and still does is to those of us who don't see a very rosy outlook on life. Today Nurse Sharon and all the other lovely nurses (male ones too) are celebrated because of their undying nurturing care for those who most of the time would rather be somewhere completely different.

Yes, I cried as I sat down in my car. I will miss her and her husband. 

And the last recipient goes to my daughter. 

I had five boys and then God blessed me with Jessie. I get the "oh, so you kept trying until you had a girl." No, not really. Out of my six children, I only planned my first four. God decided to give me Chris and Jessie. 

I celebrate Jessie because I think she is great and I think she thinks I'm great. She keeps me young and she keeps me humble. 

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

Happy Mother's Day! It is so wonderful having a daughter who will one day be a mother herself (I hope). She made me breakfast (eggs on toast), picked a lovely flower for decoration, and a lovely handmade card (and she makes them beautiful!) and then for dessert (yes, there is dessert for breakfast!) she made me strawberry shortcake! YUMMY!!!
Thank you to Kray and Alysia for taking her to the store yesterday--you made her day. She desperately wanted to show me how much I mean to her. That was a GREAT treat, so thank you.
To Matt and Chris, thanks for remembering it was Mother's Day--and the kisses you give me (I still love kisses from my boys).
To Mike for getting up this morning without me begging you!
And so I don't for get my other son, Elder Jason Blanding, I love you too and can't wait for our phone call/skype this afternoon. 
I am thankful for six WONDERFUL kids who made me a mom. It is the hardest, messy job there is (Mike Row couldn't even do it on Dirty Jobs), but it is the most rewarding too.  I celebrate my children this day--the reason I celebrate Mother's Day.

Mother's Day wasn't always roses and sunshine. When I first got married and Steve and I wanted to have children, we couldn't. I had some medical problems, but through modern medicine and science we were able to have six wonderful, beautiful, spunky, energetic, trying, and lovely children. They are the pearls around my neck, the diamonds on my finger and the stars that light up my life. 

Thank you Kray, Jason, Mike, Matt, Chris and Jess for making me a mom.

Mother's Day

As the ​stores are crowded with children looking for that perfect Mother's Day card and gift for the beloved mother or husbands busily picking up that dozen of roses for their wife, may I express my thoughts about Mother's Day.

See, I don't get to join the throngs. My mom is gone. She passed away in 2008. I still feel the pain of that phone call.  One Friday my brother called to tell me mom was in the hospital and it didn't look good. I made the four hour trip in three hours (thank you WSP for not paroling the freeway that day). I stayed as long as I could and returned Sunday night. Monday evening my nephew called with words I didn't want to hear. She was gone.

Today all I can do is think of my mom. So while you are searching for that perfect card to say the ​words your heart can't say; don't mumble, don't complain, be happy. I dearly wish I could be with you, shoulder to shoulder searching for the perfect card, picking out those flowers, boxed candies and that perfect card.  The flowers I get for my mom, she never sees or smells. She can't eat the candy and she can't read my card.

I miss my mom. I miss her very much. As I struggle raising my children through their teen years, I really, really miss my mom.  I miss her voice. ​I miss her advice. I miss her love.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.​

My nightmare

I'm not a stranger to nightmares. Just after my car accident in 2002 I had nightmares. They were often "silly" in nature but they were very real to me. I was always trapped inside something and panic set in that no one was coming to get me out. These nightmares kept me from getting a good night's sleep and often kept me from falling asleep long after midnight because I didn't want to have those nightmares. I had to see a therapist and he helped me literally fight my way through the nightmares. I learned to control my dreams and turn a potential nightmare into a dream where silly things happen. I become a super hero and break whatever barrier is holding me in. I can now control my nightmares and make a a silly dream.

But there is no therapy that can make this nightmare go away. Just Sunday morning, Mother's Day of all days my nightmare of nightmare played again on the screens of my subconscious mind. Just before the alarm was supposed to ring (I forgot to set the alarm--bad momma) the projected started. Of course we can control, to some extent, our dreams, but it takes a lot of work and for some reason I didn't take control of this dream and become producer, director and dictator, instead I let it roll. I truly wish I hadn't.

In my dream our family was coming together for an important family event. At first it was Jessie's baptism, but as it played out it couldn't be Jessie's baptism because she was already baptized. For some reason I didn't change it I let it play out as it was flowing fast. For some reason my in-laws came on bikes and I had no car or transportation. As I look around I notice that Kray and Jason aren't there. Everyone else important is, but they are missing. I'm in tears. Part of my family is missing. I know they slept in and missed their alarm but there was nothing I could do. My nightmare is that there part of my family is missing.

I have always had a very strong since of family so having part of them missing is my worse nightmare. I don't want to even come close to equating myself to Lehi, but I think I am beginning to understand the emotions he might have felt while viewing his vision of the Tree of Life. And just to clarify, my dream wasn't about my boys missing because of sin. My dream was about my feelings of having a part of my family missing.

As I approach my second to last summer before my children start leaving the nest my heart is breaking. I know they need to leave the home eventually, but I wish it wasn't so soon.

I made it!

I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through my first Mother's Day without my mom. I'm surprised I did so well.

On Saturday we did some yard work, and the boys didn't complain too much. We still have a lot of winter snow damage to fix, but slowly and surely we are getting there. I assume that by winter time we will have it all cleared up so the snow can damage it some more.

That afternoon we took a family hike through the Watershed looking for some benches that Mike is thinking of replacing as an Eagle project. The hike was beautiful! Not sure we found all the benches he has been asked to replace, but we think we found at least one. It will be a worthy project. The company was great (although Jason walked ahead of us destroying the "family") and the weather was awesome! Of course the scenery was spectacular! I love living in the Northwest. I can't believe this setting is less than a mile from my home! It took us longer to load the car up than drive to the parking lot!

That evening Steve took most of us to the new Star Trek movie. I'm not a trekie, but the show wasn't bad. I still hate the jerky camera motions that have become popular as of late. I get a headache darn fast. The story was actually a pretty good one and the new cast wasn't too bad.

Sunday morning. I had a nightmare (next post). Woke up in time for a shower and a small breakfast before heading off to church. Sacrament meeting wasn't so bad. The speakers were delightful and the songs were wonderful. The primary kids sang their songs "I Often go Walking" and "Mother, I Love You". (I played the piano.) A mother and son sang, "Mother, Do You Love Me?" Very, very cute. Then after the closing prayer the Priesthood Men sang! the young men sang a version of "I'm so Glad when Daddy Comes Home" and then the dads/husbands sang as well. It seems like our Bishop had some time on his hands and rewrote the lyrics!

After church I made Ginger Chicken (by request of the children). I don't mind making it, but it is labor intensive. Thankfully Matt, Chris and Jessie helped me out. I do love the dish! I also made strawberry shortcake, but we ate that a little later. We then sat down to watch the Sounders FC game (bad reffing!) and then ended the day watching the end of season 5 of Ballykissangel!

I also snuck in there a choir rehearsal.

The whole day I tried to just float on the surface so that I wouldn't and couldn't get emotional. I did ok. Going to bed was kind of hard, but I did my best and held it together! I'm really impressed I was so stoic.

But then maybe it is because on Friday I visited my mother's grave on Friday and left some flowers for her. I didn't know how much I would miss her. I never thought about this part of living without her. Or if I did, I didn't envision it looking or feeling like this.

Over all it was a better weekend than I thought it would turn out to be. I didn't get any presents but I'm not sure I wanted any. I think i just want to plant some lilac in memory of my mom and sister in the places where I pulled the deads ones out.

Here is the Bishop's rewrite!

I'm so glad to see my dear mom

Glad as I can be

Clap my hands contain myself

But want to shout YIPEE!

Careful not to break her ribs

Hug her soft like this

No ones looking so give her what?

An ittsy bittsy kiss.

"I Love you mom!"

...she would make it all better.

I'm not a fan of Mother's Day. Never have been and maybe someday I'll feel comfortable. When I was a young girl I loved giving my mom my homemade gifts. I thought she really loved them. I know better know--she treasured them. Being a homeschooling mom, my kids can't surprise me with school-made gifts cuz I'm the teacher. Oh, well. I get a love note on my pillow every now and then and a hug around my middle and that is even better. I would call my mom and she would make it all better.

Then I became a teenager and couldn't stand my mom. She was always judging me and telling me how to live my life. I think Bon Jovi song, "It's my life" was my battle cry as a teen. Boy did I have a lot of begging for mercy to do 10 years later. I just hope my mom forgave me. I loved her and secretly was listening to all those lectures she gave me. I'm not sure how they all sank in, but they did and I turned out ok. I eventually say "sorry" and she would make it all better.

Then I got married and having children looked pretty bleak. Yes, believe it or not, I experienced some difficulties getting pregnant and ended up on fertility drugs. But I remember those first Mother's Day when my arms were empty and all I had was a promise from a few blessings given to me. My heart ached and I wanted nothing to do with Mother's Day except call my mom, say I'm sorry and go to bed and cry myself to sleep. But I would call my mom and she would make it all better.

Then I had that little "bundle of joy" in my arms on Mother's Day. It wasn't at all what I pictured. No magic day with all my jobs covered, house scrubbed and glistening. I still had to do all the mom things I had done the day before and would do the day after. But my heart always ached for those few in my ward whose arms were empty, houses were just as they left them when they went to bed and whose kitchens didn't have crumbs all over. But I would call my mom and she would make it all better.

Now I can't call her.

I miss you mom! I wish I could call you, because I know you would make it all better. You always did.

Males

I grew up with five brothers, one dad and a neighborhood full of boys. Of course I had a mom and a sister as well, but this post isn’t about them—it is about MALES!!!!
I then turned around and married a man (imagine that) and then had five boys before I had my one little princess. God has a sense of humor: he had too.

This past year or so my one and only sister passed away from brain cancer. Then this summer the last of a long list of good girl friends moved away: all the way to the EAST COAST!! Then my mother died. I’m left with just one female friend: my eight year old daughter.
You wouldn’t think this would be a problem with my history of being around males, but it is turning into a big problem. The past couple of weeks have been very tough and I’ve had no one to talk to.

Just last night I had to clue in my husband as to how he has been distant and silent to me. I’ve sent him important emails asking for his opinion and I’ve received no reply. Yes, he has been very, very busy, but to ignore me, his wife, has been very hard on me—especially since I want to talk.

Today my son called me—HE CALLED ME—and after I answered his question “I’m leaving the store now, so in about 10 minutes” I then asked him how his day went (it was his 3rd day of classes at college) and I got the cold shoulder.

I know I won’t find girl friends from this blog because only three people read this blog--me, myself and I--but I need to vent because I need to talk and I have NO ONE to talk to! I’m surrounded by MALES!!!! Even my dog is a male!

I think I need some major chocolate now.

Freedom

Editor's note:

I was asked to write a "patriotic" article for an upcoming LDS-NHA publication. It is supposed to be 500-700 words in length, but of course I couldn't help myself and I wrote more, about twice as more as they wanted. I really, really hate butchering my articles, but I had to for the publication but I really liked the article I originally wrote. Here is that article, the long one:

Freedom

By Doreen Blanding

Norman Rockwell painted a set of paintings called the

Four Freedoms

He painted these in 1943 in the midst of World War II. Our brave young men, who are now our great-grandfathers, were “over there” fighting for our freedoms. He painted these four paintings, Freedom from Fear, Freedom from Want, Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Worship in just four months. He was inspired by President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s 1941 speech about the four principles for universal rights: Freedom from Want, Freedom of Speech, Freedom to Worship and Freedom from Fear.

Since our family studied Norman Rockwell many years ago, I’ve taken a keen interest in his work. I’ve always loved his style of painting and loved the truthfulness, warmth, love and life he portrayed in each and every painting. As I look at these paintings I see four things that I want my children never to take for granted and to always treasure. Of course we have these freedoms because of the blood many generations have shed for us. From Nephi’s men to the soldier who fell just last week, they all have fought for the land of freedom.

The scriptures have promised us that this land will be the Land of Promise if we live righteously. “And now, we can behold the decrees of God concerning this land, that it is a land of promise; and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall serve God, or they shall be swept off when the fullness of his wrath shall come upon them” (Ether 2:9).

Our freedoms in the Land of Promise are predicated on our choosing to serve God. As Joshua said, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15) We get to keep the freedoms our forefathers worked out for us over 200 years ago because of our righteousness. It is my duty to see to it that my children are protectors of the Land of Promise.

“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—with be held accountable before God for these discharge of these obligations.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

I have the sacred duty of making sure my children are free from want, from fear and free to speak and worship as they will. As I homeschool my children I instill in them these freedoms every day and in every lesson. I have taught them that even if life gets tough we have Heavenly Father on our side and we shouldn’t fear. I remember sitting around the television on September 11, 2001, and thinking to myself as well as expressing to my children that we shouldn’t be afraid. We had been following the commandments of God and we will be protected and even if something were to happen to us we had been baptized and sealed together as a family. I knew that we shouldn’t fear what happened or what will happen, as long as we are righteous and obey the commandments. I still feel the same today and so do my children. We are truly free from fear.

The freedom from want is one that I feel strongly obligated to teach my sons. They will one day be the head of a household and have to provide for their family. I want them to be able to get and keep a good and honest job that will allow them to be good citizen, a wonderful father, a faithful husband as well as an obedient Priesthood holder. I want their families to never fear because their cupboard is empty or their father is gone. I only have one daughter and I want her to be able to choose a young man like the ones I am raising. I want her to never fear where her next meal will be coming from or if her family will have enough. That means I need to educate my children so that they can be good family members, citizens and spouses. I want my children to always live free from want.

The founding fathers put “freedom of speech” as part of the first amendment to the United States Constitution. They thought it so important that the citizens of the United States of America have the ability to speak their minds and hearts. It is upon this principle that the gospel was able to reach my great-grandfather in Alabama. It was on this principle that two young men in 1972 found my husband’s family and were able to speak their minds and hearts about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thankfully both of these families join the Church and today practice the freedom of speech. I can attest that my children are not afraid to speak their minds and do so regularly. One day my sons and maybe even my daughter will be able to practice their freedom of speech as they take the gospel message to others who are seeking the truth. We are free to speak.

Along with freedom of speech, the first Amendment also says that Congress can “…make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…” As our family has been studying different cultures the past few years, our hearts are sadden when we read about governments who had or still have laws dictating to their citizens what and who they will call their gods and who and how they will worship. As my family has studies our family history in our school we have found that our family has not always enjoyed the freedom of worship. In the 1840’s Norwegians didn’t welcome the Gospel of Jesus Christ and our family suffered greatly because of the persecution. In the 1500’s our family was thrown out of two countries for their religious beliefs and that same family was thrown out of England in the 1600’s because they worshiped differently than the government told them to. I never want my children to fear because of how they worship. We are free to worship.

As the United States of America celebrates its 232th birthday, think about the freedoms we enjoy. Not just the four freedoms that Norman Rockwell painted about, but the freedoms we get because we live in the free country we do. The freedom we get because we are serving the Lord and the freedoms we get because we are a Child of God. My family, like those in Normal Rockwell’s paintings, is free from want and fear, free to speak and worship and we are free to choose life, love, happiness and righteousness. My God always bless us with freedom forever.

How time flies

Soccer ended and I was going to have loads and loads of time to make up for all the time soccer took up. WRONG! I just loaded the calendar with "stuff." Homeschool conferences, Christmas presents, running a home based business, school, driving everyone everywhere, and on and on.
Last night the kids informed me that there are 11 days until Christmas and I'm not ready! Plan and simple. I'm not panicky about the whole thing, in fact if Christmas was tomorrow, I wouldn't care. Somehow we would make it all work out. I don't have any of my shopping done--no money to do it. I don't have any baking or candy making done and again I don't care. Some reason the more Christmases I have the more I really don't care. I almost didn't even put up the trees. I guess I'm the Grinch this year or some Grinch came and stole my Christmas and I don't realize it yet!
Steve's business is having a grand Christmas, in fact a very grand Christmas! I'm so happy for him. But it has made his vacation non existent for the family. He is home, sort of. He sits at his desk tracking orders, phoning customers informing them of the problem with their orders (ie ruining their Christmas), running to his distributor, running to UPS, and boxing and boxing orders. He is going to bed late and sleeping in--lucky dog--guess it is his vacation.
I on the other hand am just plugging along.
For school we are starting biology, getting merit badges finished up, working on reading with Jessie, math for the rest of them and a huge report due just after the holidays. I've sent back a lot of "not good enough" papers to the boys. Boy were fireworks flying last night. Oh, well. They will learn. Of course in the mean time, I'm enemy #1.
My mom's health continues to decline and that is killing me!
Well it is time for me to go work out! That is the one thing that has been consistent, BUT only because I have to get my seminary study to class on time. I just wish it related in to lost weight. Not one pound! Oh how frustrating!!!!!!!

What was I thinking

I have had a bunch of things run through my mind as of late, but I have had NO TIME to put them down. I truly have been running a mile a minute. Here is a little of what my weeks look like.

Monday:
5:00 AM up I get
5:50 to take Kray to seminary and run to the gym to get a good workout. Unlike last year, this isn't a great workout because I don't have enough minutes, but it is a work out. Steve tries to join me in the gym, if he is up soon enough.
7:15 hopefully we are pulling into the drive way and I start making breakfast. We are going to try something new this year: breakfast together. We are doing this because trying to get dinner on with all of us home is next to impossible. Keep reading and you will know why.
7:30 we are supposed to be sitting down to breakfast, but I'm not that fast at getting breakfast on. Thankfully I have until 8:00 or we can do scriptures while it cooks and then breakfast.
8:00 family scripture time
8:30 Portuguese. Once again Steve is trying to teach us Portuguese.
9:00-11:00 Piano lessons and try to get in some personal one on one teaching
11:00-12:00 Lunch
12-2:30 Together school (right now we are learning to cook and finishing physical science)
2:30-5:00 PE at Gold's gym. I'm hoping now that I can get a work out in while my kids are at the kid fitness or swimming. So far it is working.
5:00 Get out of the pool and get dressed
5:30 take Matt to soccer practice and head home, unless I have to stay to bring him home. Hopefully Steve will make the trip up the hill to pick him up.
6:30 arrive home from dropping Matt off and start dinner and get the kids to start their evening chores (a never ending and seldom winning battle)
7:30 arrive home unless I got to come home earlier.
7:30-8:00 Dinner as a family and start of Family Home Evening. We have to start it at the dinner table or we won't have it at all.
8:30 Struggle to get the kids in bed.
9:30 Try to get myself into bed.

Tuesday:
Start that all over again and pick up at 9:00
9:00 get the older three off to Writing Class, younger three stay home to work on school work (yeah, right) and piano lessons.
9:30 writing class for the older three and time for me to correct papers and maybe get a page or two read in my novel.
11:00 Writing Class over.
11:30 arrive home
11:30-12:30 Lunch
12:30-2:30 together school
2:30-4:30 work out like on Monday, just a bit shorter
5:00-7:00 soccer practice--Jessie's and Chris'
7:30 arrive home and try to come up with something for dinner. Steve doesn't come home for dinner on Tuesday, so it is just me and the kids. It makes for some different dinners. Fight with kids about getting their daily chores done.
8:30 struggle to get kids in bed.
9:30 Try to get myself in bed, but I won't go to sleep until Steve comes home.

Wednesday:
Start the all over again and pick up at 9:00
9:00 the kids have about 30 minutes to ask questions before I leave for my weekly Women's Study Group.
9:30-11:30 Two of my teens and myself go to Women's Study Group. My two teens (who rotate) help baby sit while I enjoy a wonderful class. This year I've been asked to teach a few classes so I'm also trying to put in some major scripture study with all the other stuff I have to do.
11:30-12:30 Lunch
12:30-2:30 Together school
2:30-4:30 PE at Gold's gym
5:00-6:30 Mike's soccer practice
7:00-8:30 Cub Scouts. Scouts and Young Men's (thankfully it is on the way home from the soccer fields). I either stay around the church to help out or go home and try to get a dinner on. Steve can't go pick them up because there are 5 at the building and only 4 seat belts, so he either comes to get my car or I go and get him.
8:30 dinner
9:00 struggle to get kids in bed
10:00 try to get myself in bed and drop asleep quickly because I'm so exhausted.

Thursday:
Start Tuesday all over again, only this time, ALL the kids come with me. I'm correcting papers again when not helping the three younger ones with their school work.
11:30-12:30 Lunch
12:30-2:30 Together school
2:30-5:00 work out like on Monday
5:30 head up the hill to take Chris to his soccer practice
6:00 either stay because Steve isn't going to come get him or go home and try to get a dinner ready.
7:30 arrive home and serve dinner
8:30 get kids in bed
9:30 get myself in bed

Friday:
Start with the morning routine
9:00 look over school work
9:50 head out to my "job" of gleaning and take two teens with me.
2:00 come home and try to unwind and check in on the kids who stayed home
2:30 take Kray to Mini Mountain to work
5:30 pick him up and take Matt to soccer practice
7:00 bring Matt home
7:30 arrive home and start dinner
8:30 try to get kids in bed
9:00 try to get myself in bed as I have a heavy Saturday

For the month of September and October I will spend from 8-5 at the soccer fields every Saturday. Kray is reffing and earning a ton of money. Jason is helping me as a second parent and a ref. Mike, Matt, Chris and Jessie are playing and I'm coaching Mike and Jessie.

Now, this all is just what is supposed to happen. Of course I can't just leave it alone. I have to have therapy once or twice every week. I try to put them at 7am to get them out of the way, but it does make for a very jam packed day. We also have other things happening in the evening. Order of the Arrow for Kray, book club, game night, roundtable, moms night out, meetings etc. and I don't have a piece of sanity left.

During the month of September I haven't spent one Monday at home as I have been driving to and from the Tri-Cities for dental appointments. Oh, well. At least I have a plan.

Well, it is now 10pm and if I don't get to sleep I'm not going to make it through a Thursday.

Let Them Take Your Picture

My friends,

My heart is breaking because my sister finally passed away yesterday morning (August 15). After a long six year battle with brain cancer she has finally found her rest. It is amazing how even knowing for six years this day would come, it still is very hard.

I have been selected to put together a slide show of my sister's life, but like many of us moms, she was the one behind the camera and the pictures are all of her children. I believe that is the way it should be, BUT..

As Nadine leaves behind very young children (she had 9 of which the youngest is just 10), there are very few pictures of her. With today's digital age, PLEASE let them take your picture. You can always hide in a file marked "for when I'm gone", but my dear sweet nieces and nephews have few pictures of their mother as their mother. Not many pictures of her childhood-but that is because of money and technology. Today we have little excuses for the lack of pictures since we can down load them from our digital cameras for free! Make that file TODAY and fill it. It is a beautiful day to go and take pictures.

I know I don't like the way I look. I'm fat, still have pregnancy mask face and always will unless I want to undergo laser treatment, my hair is usually a mess, but those are just excuses. You have them too and they won't hold water when you are gone and no one will care one bit!

Please let them take a picture of you today. You can always hide it until you are gone and you won't care anymore, but your children will appreciate that snapshots of your life.

And don't forget to write in your journal today! Tell them that the sun is shining, you love them and you are doing this because you love them and want them always to know you love them. You never know what may happen in the next 10 minutes. They don't care for the headline story. They want the everyday little stories that make up you and your life. It also might help to spend each Sunday writing one little story of your childhood. They will so much appreciate the little snippet. As my mother is in the middle of Alzheimer's I'm so glad she wrote them down. And my only hope is that my children enjoy the stories I wrote. Now just to let them take a picture of me (but first I'm going to go do my hair).

PLEASE!

Oh, it is ok to add a child or two-they are your jewels, now aren't they-and no proper mother would have her picture taken without her jewel near by-if not on!

Hey make it a homeschool project-learn a little photography-your kids will thank you and remember it doesn't cost if you have a digital camera!

PLEASE!

What have I been doing lately?

What a loaded question! First off, I've been very busy putting on homeschooling conferences. In March, I put on a teen conference for the LDS homeschool youth in the Seattle area. It was a huge success! Then in May, I did my 8th LDS homeschool conference. It too was a success. I was very pleased with the presenters, vendors and other little bits of the conference. I'm not sure I will do it again because the numbers continue to drop.

The other big thing is we are remodeling our kitchen. I can't wait to have my sink back! We have been doing a lot of the work to save on the cost, but we still have our "handyman" helping us. At this writing the cabinets are in, sub counters are on and it looks WONDERFUL! We didn't move any walls and just redid the layout and at least tripled my cabinet space and made the counter space more usable. The appliances are laid out in a much more logical and usable way. See the pictures here.

The other thing that I have been doing for 8 straight weeks is coaching soccer, or watching it! All six of my kids played spring soccer this year. Kray and Jason were on the same team and usually rotated the goalie job. They each did a great job. Mike was on a very young team and they struggled all season. They did not win or even tie a game ~frown~. I coached his team again this year and will do so again in the fall. They got to play on the new turf fields at Marymoor. Matt was on a great team this year and seemed to have fun every week. I never got to see him because I was coaching Mike's team. Chris was on a great team which was coached by Kray. Yes, Kray is coaching youth soccer again this spring. Jessie played again this year and I was able to coach her team as well. They were such cute girls and I loved coaching them. To add to this mess, Kray was also a referee for the first time this year. He reffed as much as he could and earned a goodly sum. All this added up to four nights every week at Marymoor Park. Mondays and Wednesdays I was there until 7:30. And on Wednesdays I also had to run kids to the church for scouts! It made for very interesting evenings.

Somewhere in all that Kray had an Eagle board of review and passed! YEAH! My first Eagle Scout!

As I type this we are in the car coming home from a 10 day vacation in Yellowstone! What a trip! It was a BLAST! I think we saw about everything you could see in the park. The only road we didn't get to go down was the road that lead southwest out of the park. We even managed to get to the Grand Tetons for a look. What a spectacular part of the world. It is truly magnificent! I can't wait to get home, down load all the pictures and do a proper write up.

Well, I guess that is what we have been doing for the past few months and why I haven't written--I literally drop in bed at night and before the light is out, my eyes are closed and my mind is in dream land.

The White Van

My heart still races when I think about what could have happened…..

On February 1st I had the privilege or running the music class carpool. I met the four little girls at neighbor's house and ran them to music class. I was going to use the hour to run to the grocery store and get much needed bread and food for my family. As I pulled into a parking spot and reached between the seats for my purse, it wasn't there.

I had a choice to make. I could go back to the music class and wait out the hour by either reading a book or taking a much needed nap, or go home and retrieve my purse and blow off the grocery shopping. Oh, that nap sounded so good! My 5:15 alarm is taking its toll on me.

Then the feeling came over me that I needed to get my purse. So I called (why my phone was in the car I'm not sure) home to make sure it was there. It was so off I went.

As I drove up to my house, I noticed a white mini van parked across the street from my house. I thought nothing of it. I drove just a bit pass my house so that I could back into the drive way like I normally do. As I did, I looked at the driver. It was a male, with his window down and he was staring at my house. I thought that very odd. I then started to back up. As I did so, he sped off. He was so quick that he kicked up a few rocks.

I quickly parked my car and ran to the street to see if I could catch a license number. No such luck, he was gone!

As I walked back to my house, I noticed that my garage doors were wide open, kids were on the trampoline and another son was on the basketball court shooting hoops. I also got that icky mommy feeling that all is not well and that we needed to remove ourselves from home.

I called the children inside and explained to them that they were all coming with me to finish running the girls home from music class. I received a bunch of moans and groans. I don't blame them, bouncing on the trampoline and shooting hoops was much more fun than sitting in the van waiting for four giggly girls to finish with music class.

I had to explain to them what just happened. Their attitudes changed. My oldest son even suggested that we say a prayer. Of course I had already said about 100 prayers, but he was right, we needed a family prayer.

We made sure the house was locked and went on our way.

As I talked with my eldest, who was shooting hoops, he said that he saw a white van go past our house and then come back, then pass it and come back again. He only noticed it because he had Alex, our dog, with him and he went crazy barking at the car. He thought, like me, that it was some sort of service van looking for a house number.

I do not know what might have happened and I really don't want to think about it since all those awful TV shows, news reports and unpleasant thoughts are not what I want walking through my mind. I just know that I'm thankful for living a life close enough to the spirit that I could hear the whisperings even when it was something I really didn't want to do (that nap still sounds so wonderful). I am so thankful that my sons were willing to go along with me and realize that they too were feeling the same promptings and that we were better off in the car together being bored than at home in harms way. I am thankful that our oft repeated prayer to "have a safe day" was answered. I am thankful that my son was listening to the prompting and asked that we have a prayer. I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves us enough to watch out for us. I'm thankful that I am able to write this from the comfort of my home with seven people I love dearly scattered throughout this house. And yes, our doors are locked tight tonight!

Just Sit Down!

Last winter I did something I didn't think I would every do; I learned to ski. Our family went on a ski vacation in British Columbia, Canada and for two days straight my daughter came in with a smile that I thought was frozen, but it lasted well into the night. I knew I wanted to have that smile on my face too. So I did it. I rented the ski, purchased three half-day lessons and did my best.

The first day was great! I didn't fall once, well, that was until that cute smiling face greeted me after I got off the chair lift. Her arms wrapped around my legs and when she let go, I was totally off balance and hit the snow. (Just for the record, I don't call that falling down.)

That afternoon I spent the day on the bunny slope with my young children showing me all the great tricks they have been practicing. I went to bed with very sore muscles but a smile on my face.

The next day was much of the same lessons. My classed stayed on the bunny slopes and once again, I didn't fall down once. OK, I did fall down when Jason ran over my skies when we stopped for the afternoon, but that doesn't count.

Again, that afternoon I spent the day skiing with the kids on the bunny slope, taking pictures and enjoying the tricks the kids performed on the bumps on the side of the run. My daughter even did a head plant after a rather large "jump." She pulled her head out and continued on down the slope. I still have no idea how she did it, but it was awe inspiring to think about that event. We even came back out after dinner and skied under the lights.

The last day of my lessons the teacher took me up to the top of the mountain. My heart was already pounding and my legs were screaming, and we hadn't even gone down. We went down one slope and as I came down the second part of the slope my legs screamed, "We are sitting down, NOW!" They didn't ask me, they just did it. My legs just bent at the knees and I sat down and there was nothing I could do about it. After about 30 seconds, I willed my legs to pull my body up and head on down the hill. Needless to say, I don't call that a fall since I was in "control" when I "fell". Out of control falling is what I'm counting as falling down. I managed to pop back up before anyone could see me. (WHEW! Ego intact.)

Now every now and then when we are schooling we get knocked over by a well intended child or even by accident. Then there are times when you body just gives out and you have to sit down for a second or two (ok, maybe even a minute). You can recognize these days when getting up and facing the day isn't about the missing smile (it is probably there) nor is the desire gone, the body just say, "We are sitting down, NOW!" I can testify that you need to obey and "sit down."

On these days you might just pull out all the blankets, spread them out on the floor, grab your pillows and spend the day reading. You might even grab the bin of Legos and build monsters. Maybe it is your daughters doll house that comes out and you play "house" for the afternoon. You might even bring your lunch down there and enjoy the day just "sitting down" because your body said so. Or you might just take those blankets outside and spend reading outside, looking at bugs, drawing pictures, looking at the clouds or whatever your heart desires.

Listening to those legs that scream "We are sitting down, NOW!" really got my attention on the slopes. But I wouldn't have missed that exhausting day for the world. Why? Because you don't want to miss the smile that is spread across your children's face; I also wanted to find one on my face too.

Cub Camp Reflections

I love cub camp! There is so much to learn from a group of 10 little guys that are so excited to be alive and learn something new and exciting. I am spending the week, yes every day, with ten 8-11 year olds painting, hammering, gluing, playing, shooting arrows and having fun and I'm loving it.

I come home very tired each night and rightly so I have spent some 7 hours walking, standing, rounding up and having fun. I come dirty every night because we have painted, glued, sweated and spilled each day. I come thankful that I am only bringing home the boys that belong at my house.

This I only have one boy at cub camp and I am thankful that this is his first year at cub camp because that sparkle is contagious. There is something wonderful about having a barely 4 foot child wraps his arms around you and says, "This is the best yet!" and he has barely begun to do the first station of the day. It is better yet to have him jump out of the car and run into the house eager to tell his brothers all about the wonderful things he did today.

Today I was with a group who one of their adult leaders was a recent high school graduate so ready to get to college you could see her counting the minutes until she leaves. During the day it came out that one of the mothers paid her to come in her stead. My first thought was, "Why didn't I think of that." But after some reflection my thought change to, "But who would want to miss all this." For many years I sent my husband in my stead since I was home with babies either nursing or pregnant and sometimes even both and I missed out on all this fun! Now I get the next four years (Chris isn't yet a scout) to have a blast!

So do I mind having to spend the next three days at Cub Scout Day Camp? I wouldn't miss it for the world--especially those little arms that wrap themselves around my mid section and say, "Thank you mom, this is just awesome."
Doreen

Chorus of Noise

Because it has been so warm lately, we have slept with our windows open at night. Come about four o'clock in the morning I am woken to a wonderful chorus of beautiful bird chirps. The primary song, "In the Leafy Tree Tops" enters my mind and I can't help but say, "Good morning" back to them.

This morning was no exception. The birds were out after a night of rain (that's another sound that I love) telling me it was morning and I should get up and welcome the day. Since it was Saturday, I just looked out the window and said, "Not today, I'm going back to bed." I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. I know it worked because the next thing I knew there was sounds coming from below me in the kitchen. These little "birds" were my own children. They were happy sounds. Sounds of children laughing at the comics in the newspaper. Sounds of them asking for the milk. Sounds of them discussing their reading from the night before. Sounds of them setting up today's pretend game they will be playing. Sounds of children waiting for parents to venture downstairs and crack the whip.

I did have to ring down and tell them to be a bit quieter as Steve and I wanted to sleep in just a little. It worked for a whole 30 seconds and then the decibels rose. Steve and I looked at each other and almost played rock, paper, scissors to see who got the shower first.

As much as I love the chorus of birds that wake me each morning in the spring, I love the chorus of sounds that wake me up three hours later that come from my kitchen.

Doreen

A Married Single Mom

This isn't to rag on my husband but on society and especially the condition of the work place where my husband has chosen to be employed.

Sixteen years ago when we took this job (and yes, I consider our marriage to be a partnership and so does my husband so we consulted together to make this decision) Steve promised to make family a priority. Fast forward to 2006, six children, a large mortgage and a never ending "crunch" mode at work; his family is still a priority, at least I think. He realizes that to support this family he must pull in a salary, pay the bills as well as be home to visit with his children at least once in a blue moon. BUT…….

This single motherhood thing is growing very, very tiring and weary. Yes, I'm married to him, committed to him and love him to death, but it doesn't make being a single mom every night enjoyable. In fact it is awful hard to be a single mom and still be married. A real single mom doesn't have to work around a husband's schedule. She doesn't have to wonder if her meal that she prepared because her husband likes it will go to waste--she doesn't prepare meals her husband likes because he doesn't live there. A single mom doesn't know if she should hold family prayer and scripture time or wait for dad to show up or even if he is going to show up. A single mom doesn't have to work around a weekend working schedule. If she wants to paint the room, then she paints it without wondering if he is going to show up to help her---he isn't going to help because he isn't there. A single mom just goes on vacation when she wants to, she doesn't have to wait for "down time" or see how many vacation days are given this year; she just goes!

I kind of like what I see from those real single moms. They get every other weekend without any children. Wow! How clean would my house be then? How many of those projects that I have put off would I get done? How much sleep would I be able to catch up on?

Ok, the other side of the coin that goes with doing this single stuff for real isn't that exciting either. Lawyers, court dates, hearing, custody battles, money issues and all the other stuff I have no idea about just doesn't out weigh the advantages, so I guess Steve is lucky. He will still have a warm bed to come home tonight; just wish the kids could get to see him soon. But I really wish I could see him.

I guess he is ultimately responsible for how he spends his time, but then again, he doesn't put in the time and produce the work then he doesn’t have a job. But the company he works for does ask a lot of my husband and the pay has gone down hill for the past six years. At one time I didn't mind because we were compensated so well (and he works for a better division) but now I'm complaining. If what he tells me about his job is true, he doesn't even like working there---so why does he continue to work there? Yes, we have great insurance coverage and we used to have great stock options, but they aren't adding up any more. Because he is under a lot of pressure he isn't liking his job so much anymore, at least that is what I surmise from his conversations with me with both eyes open and with my make up on and something besides my jammies on.

Is there a company out there who would employ my husband, pay him a good salary and let him come home before 10pm every night? The kids bed time is 9 and we try to have dinner on the table between 6 and 7 (depending on who I'm running where and when---oh, it would be nice not to have to take everyone to everything). If you know of one, please let me know. I'm tired of being a Married Single Mom.

Just for proof. The children saw their dad (my husband) Monday night (but he didn't sit down to have dinner with us---he was too late) and I let them stay up late Wednesday night so they could see him. Tonight (Thursday) he won't see the children and Friday he won't see the children either. I guess it will be Saturday, unless he has to work.

Doreen

PS--Please do not think I want to get rid of Steve. I truly love him. Today was just a hard day and I could have used my partner in crime here at the home front. I also want all the divorced or single mother (and father with primary custody) out there to know that I do not take lightly your position. In fact I hurt for you when I realize what a very hard job you have to do day in and day out. My hat is off to you. You have angels waiting to sing your praises. May the Lord bless you with extra patience and love for your family.

My Plea - Let Them Sleep!

As our family has been fighting some pretty nasty coughs, I have a plethora of different cough syrups lining our medicine cabinet. As I gave a dose to a child I noticed that the bottle gave this warning, "will not cause drowsiness." Later that night I opened my personal medicine cabinet and noticed that out of the 5 medicines I take each night all but one said, "Caution, may cause drowsiness."

Now somehow this is all wrong. I don't know very many mothers who want their children to be awake when they are sick. I for one want my children to sleep when they are cranky, feverish, and down right not happy. I, on the other hand, NEED to stay awake when I'm sick. I need to drive the kids to their different activities and it is very hard to do that when your eyelids want to fall down and you have NO CONTROL over them. How can I fix dinner when I'm afraid to turn the stove on? I will just sit down at the kitchen table to check over the recipe and the next thing I know I'm awakened to the sounds of fire engines screaming down the road heading to my house.

When will the pharmaceutical companies get it straight? Children's medications need to be laced with drowsy stuff and parent's medications need non-drowsy stuff put in them. PLEASE for every mother out there….let the sick children sleep.

Doreen

A Heart Attack

Seventeen years ago on this special day I had my first heart attack. Please do not be alarmed, as it didn't require any medical attention, but I did seek medical attention. You'll see why in a minute.

I was at BYU and had a volleyball class on Valentine's Day. During that class a ball hit a glass trophy case hanging on the wall and shattered over my head. Because I was at a school sponsored class I had to go to the health clinic. It was an end to an absolutely horrible day. The library didn't have the books I needed for the report I needed to write and now I'm sitting in a very slow health clinic. And to top it off my scooter was clear across campus. It is now pitch black, cold, my head hurt and now I had to walk from one end of campus to the other. I decided to try my luck and called my apartment to see if one of the two girls who owned cars would come pick me up. Thankfully one of them did. I don't recall how my scooter got home, but I rode it to work the next morning.

When I walked into my apartment I headed straight for my bedroom. I just wanted the day to end. As I looked at my door there were construction paper hearts taped all over. How sweet, one of the guys I was dating put hearts on my door (or were they for my roommate?). I opened my door and above my bed were tons of the same hearts hanging from the ceiling. Somehow I figured out that Steve had just asked me out for dinner the next night.

I do remember that date, but this isn't a story about that date, but a tradition my husband started--Heart Attacks!

The next Valentine's Day we were married but so poor we couldn't spend the money for construction paper so we just did a notebook paper heart to each other. The following Valentine's Day we had a bit more money. Steve woke up that morning to a bunch of construction paper hearts attached to our bedroom door. I couldn't hang them over the bed during the night because he was in the bed and I'm sure he would have woken up when I stepped on him. Well, it is now a tradition, every Valentine's Day morning the bedroom doors in our house are covered in construction paper hearts.

Last night, we had heart attacks at our home. The kids won't let me forget about this tradition, they love it so much. We have now added a Mylar balloon and a treat. Sometimes it is a deck of cards, bag of candy, lip gloss or whatever catches my fancy while shopping.

This morning something very interesting happened. About 5:00 am my daughter was knocking at our bedroom door and telling us she was scared. I wasn't sleeping very well, so I got up. She told me there were bad guys in the hall. I turned the lights on and she saw four balloons moving in the air. In the darkened hall way the four balloons where just the right height to be "four bad guys." When she realized what she saw, she got a HUGE smile on her face and quickly got back in bed so Valentine's Day would come faster. I gave her a hug and kiss while I tucked her back into bed. She was so excited to have her "heart attack." As I closed the door she said, "I can't wait to wake up to be loved."

Hope I have a ton more "heart attacks!"

Doreen