Stand Ye in Holy Places

"But my disciples shall stand in holy places, and shall not be moved…"
Doctrine and Covenants 45:32
"Wherefore, stand ye in holy places, and be not moved, until the day of the Lord come…"
Doctrine and Covenants 87:8

This weekend in Seattle, just 15 miles to the west of my home, a huge tragedy befell our community. A man decided that he was going to go on a shooting rampage and killed six people and then turned the gun on himself and took his own life. This happened at the end of an all night party. The party started Friday night at a "rave" and ended with a few "friends" at a neighborhood home. At 7:00 am Saturday morning this man went to his truck grabbed his guns and went back to the home and shot people. Among the six he killed was a 14 year old girl and a 15 year old girl.

This is a shock to this community and of course it is all over the radio, TV and in the newspaper. EVERYONE is talking about it. Even I feel the sting. I feel the sting because Friday night I knew where my 14 year old was. I knew where my 12 year old was. They were with me in my home with a four other wonderful teenagers learning how to have proper manners, then having a great dinner (I cooked it of course), then hung out and watched a movie. The whole time with me or my husband in the room. There was even an extra parent in the home with us. (This evening was an evening with LYTTS.)

As I have sat and pondered on the happenings in our community this past weekend I have had the thought that "I may not be able to protect my children from lunatic like this selfish man, but I can do my best. If it means making sure I know where my children are and giving them a safe place to hangout with friends then I will do it! I will also check thoroughly where my kids say they are going to hang out. I will not let a policeman knock on my door early one morning and give me the worst news of my life. I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN!"

The kids that sat around my table Friday night do not go to raves, in fact my sons didn't even know what one was (I'm not sure I completely understand them myself). They just don't participate in that behavior. I don't think one of them would have been found at a place like that, let alone being out that late. (Our party ended at 11:00 pm.) The kids, guest included, at my home don't do drugs or drink alcohol and are pure and innocent as 12-18 years should be.

What a contrast when you think of where each group of teens where that night. I'm thankful for the gospel I have been raised with that it does matter where you are and who you are with. It matters A LOT!

As the Lord has said, "Stand ye in holy places," and I can not think of more holy place than a home with a loving father and mother who care where you are and who you hang out with and who pray for your safety and dedicated their house for the protection of their family and all who enter the doors. As the Bible Dictionary says under the heading of temple "Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness."

May my children always remember this vivid reminder about Choosing the Right.

Doreen

Making it Mine

We moved about 9 months ago and left behind a home that we loved. It was a beautiful home and we were finally making it ours. My daughters room was painted and decorated. My bedroom was finally painted! Then we went and sold it! I wasn't going to wait another 8 years to start painting and then sell. So we are painting the kids bedrooms and will be working slowly to get the rest of the home put together.

Jessie was in a front bedroom with a very small closet. The other bedrooms were the boys and a storage room. I gave the largest room to the storage room, but it also had the best sized closet for a girl. So I had Steve pull the stuff out of the storage room, that also faced south so Jessie will finally get natural light in her bedroom. We painted it pink and pink. (I'll have pictures when we are finally done.)

The boys' bedrooms (there is a room within a room--trust me, you'll see what I mean when you see the pictures) needed to be painted. Chris and Matt's room (the big one) was orange. It really wasn't a bad color, but it just wasn't my color. The boys bought some new comforters and I picked the colors from that palette. The top color is a light tan (the earth), the bottom is a dark green (the grass) and a strip of blue (the water). In Mike's room, the small room in the back, is the same color, but his strip is cardinal. Steve thought that the blue and cardinal color made it look very less military.

Now this seems really great, but we had to prime both rooms (well, all three rooms). Jessie's new room was going from a deep tan to a lighter pink and the two boys' room was going from orange to the tan. Mike's room had wallpaper on it and we stripped it very early in our moving in (he didn't like the Little Mermaid wallpaper). The walls were properly primed (we haven't found that to be the case in our other house) so they weren't in sorry shape, but they were a pinkish white. I didn't realize it was "pink" until we put the pure white primer. The biggest obstacle was the smallness of his room, it is so small I can barely stand up in the center of the room--especially when we didn't take his bed out.

I took a lot of time to get this all done, more than I wanted it to, but that is my fault. Tonight I put on the last bit of touch up on the boys' rooms. Tomorrow I will put the furniture and stuff back in (my bedroom will be so relieved as it has had all the boy's clothes in it for almost two weeks now). After we get all the toys out of Jessie's room I will touch up her paint, Steve will put in a new closet and she will be all moved in….well almost. We still need to fix her new/old bed. But that is for another day, tonight I need to get to bed so I can put the kids' rooms back together.

Eventually this house will be mine...one room at at time.

Doreen

Anger and Frustration

WARNING: I'm going to rant! You could say this is my way of throwing a tantrum.

Three years ago some idiot (and I will call him that since he has gone missing and won't own up to what he did to me) hit me and has changed my life. I don't like what I've had to become. Ok, there are parts I sort of like, but for the most part the past three years have been hell. I want my life back! I want to go and do, not sit and watch.

These past few weeks we have been painting two kids' bedrooms. An easy task three years ago, but not now. I can barely even get the furniture out of the bedrooms without fatigue and pain. Because my husband is a slave at Microsoft he has very limited hours in which he can help me, so I try to do the preliminary stuff so he can do the painting. I taped, patched and primed Jessie's room and then paid for it by not being able to move the next day. A week later we are in Matt, Chris and Mike's rooms and this time I thought I would take it easy. I still did a bit and am paying for it. All I want to do is a simple stripe and before I get a three foot section done, my arm goes numb!

About a year ago I wrote a letter to the man who hit me and as I sit and read it again, nothing has changed. I still hate what he has done to me. I still spend four days a week in therapy--painful therapy. I have undergone surgeries to have pain taken away. They have worked, but when that pain is gone, they then find the next layer (where we are at today).

Things I can no longer do because it hurts: wash mirrors, water ski or tube, jump on a trampoline, garden, sit and spend hours sewing, spend hours surfing the web, mow a lawn, hold a baby, clean the house, iron a shirt, spend hours playing the piano, and I'm sure there are others that I can't remember. Believe it or not, but I love to do all these things. (I would add spend time cooking--but then I would lie because I don't like to cook.)

Shall I add the mental anguish: driving in fear (I still do--won't even drive Steve's car), depression, stupid hair styles, doctor's & therapist's conflicting advice, gaining weight, too much time spent on me not my family and the money worries.

I don't even want to start with how much this has cost us. We are close to $100,000 just in medical bills. If I was to add all the extras that this has cost us it would be frightening. I think of all the things I could have done to save us money but instead I was spending it on therapy and things to make my life easier. The hot pads, ice packs, frozen dinners, all those dinners out, all the yard work that doesn't get done or I have to pay children to do, ditto on house work (but that ok, we don't have money to pay the children anyway), etc.

But I think the thing that hurt the worse was last night when my husband came to bed complaining of aches and pains from his weekend of painting and working around the house. Those aches and pain shouldn't be there--those are mine. His worries are at his job, not at home. I'm the one who is supposed to take care of making our home a wonderful place. I just want to say, I'm so sorry Steve. I didn't want to get hit, I didn't plan on getting hit, I didn't want us to go through this hell and I'm so sorry that the 9 months they first told us has come and gone and gone again and again, and I'm still not better. This effects the whole family and I'm so sorry. I wish I could keep this from the family, but unfortunately I can't and we have to live with it.

Boy do I wish this would end! I want to do the things that I enjoyed. As I realized a few months ago while I was watching my kids have a blast on a slip-n-slide that when I sit and watch it is maybe a 3 on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) and 5 when I see that my kids are having a blast. But knowing that when I did it with my kids it was a 10--it HURTS!

Well, that was my major tantrum for the day. I've wiped the tears from my face, reapplied my make-up and I will sit and watch while my husband paints the bedroom, put up the closet organizer and try not to start crying again.

Doreen

The Coffee Shop

I was so embarrassed, today while I was running errands with my 5 year old girl we stopped at the local Starbucks to get ourselves some hot chocolate. It is sort of our tradition when we go to the local craft store that is in the same parking lot. As I got out to help her out, I noticed my reflection in the very dirty van. I had a BYU shirt on! I can't walk into a coffee shop with a "Mormon" shirt on. Thankfully I had a jacket on that I could zip up. I could hold my head up as a good Mormon and go into a coffee shop.

We ordered our hot chocolates, cookie and muffin--our tradition. We sat outside in the almost sunshine sipping our chocolates and enjoying our treats. I'm so glad I had my sweatshirt even though it wasn't chilly.

Doreen

Noise

My house is full of noise. With six children (five boys & one girl) I don't think there is ever a moment when our house is quiet. Even during the night someone is making noise. (I think there are at least four of us who snore & someone is always going to the bathroom.) I should also add that we have a four pound watch dog who takes his responsibility to bark at any noise very seriously. Just now he is barking because the boys just got back from skiing and they are making a lot of noise getting into the house. I don't mind the noise, I kind of like it. Of course having a silent moment every now and then would be nice, but I think I would miss the noise. I'll let you know when I get that moment.

Today, I spent four hours putting primer on the walls of Jessie's bedroom. During this time, Jessie made sure I had good music to listen to. I listened to the CD that has all the primary songs on it for this years sacrament program. I then listened to "My Little Pony" doing something with, princesses, rainbows and bracelets. I then listened to Barbie's "Princess and Pauper" music CD. Lastly I had the pleasure of listening to "Disney Princess." (Do you detect a theme with her?) Of course I had to listen very closely because she would be asking me questions about what was going on. I think she has listened closely in "class" and knows the trick of question asking to see if someone is listening. Of course I flunked today. My mind was thinking of other things primarily, "I'm so glad I'm not a painter for real; this sucks!"

When I was finished, we turned the CD player off and cleaned up. I then took up the power sander and sanded the old finish off her "new" bed. The power sander is quite loud and I soon began lost in my thoughts. I had forgotten how wonderful it is to get lost in noise. I like mowing the lawn for this reason. With the engine so loud you can't hear anyone who is talking to you. You are lost in your own thoughts.

In my head, I hear my own voice speaking. I actually like the sound of my voice when it speaks in my head. It is rather beautiful. I love the words it speaks. I have often written some wonderful letters and stories when there was a lot of noise around me. I'm just sorry I forget them as soon as the machine is turned off.

I drive a large van and the engine can sometimes do the same thing as a lawn mower. One trip in particular, I think I wrote the first three chapters to my "Great American Novel." I'm just really sorry I couldn't write and drive at the same time.

I wonder what my house will be like in 20 years when all my children are gone? Will there be grandchildren here to make noise? Will I miss the noise? Will I be making my own noise so I can think? (My mom has to have a radio on so she won't feel "alone.") Will I ever finish "The Great American Novel?" I don't know how much noise will my husband make---I'm sure not enough. Oh, well; maybe I won't be a writer after all.

Bring on the noise; I need to think.

Doreen

A Married Single Mom

This isn't to rag on my husband but on society and especially the condition of the work place where my husband has chosen to be employed.

Sixteen years ago when we took this job (and yes, I consider our marriage to be a partnership and so does my husband so we consulted together to make this decision) Steve promised to make family a priority. Fast forward to 2006, six children, a large mortgage and a never ending "crunch" mode at work; his family is still a priority, at least I think. He realizes that to support this family he must pull in a salary, pay the bills as well as be home to visit with his children at least once in a blue moon. BUT…….

This single motherhood thing is growing very, very tiring and weary. Yes, I'm married to him, committed to him and love him to death, but it doesn't make being a single mom every night enjoyable. In fact it is awful hard to be a single mom and still be married. A real single mom doesn't have to work around a husband's schedule. She doesn't have to wonder if her meal that she prepared because her husband likes it will go to waste--she doesn't prepare meals her husband likes because he doesn't live there. A single mom doesn't know if she should hold family prayer and scripture time or wait for dad to show up or even if he is going to show up. A single mom doesn't have to work around a weekend working schedule. If she wants to paint the room, then she paints it without wondering if he is going to show up to help her---he isn't going to help because he isn't there. A single mom just goes on vacation when she wants to, she doesn't have to wait for "down time" or see how many vacation days are given this year; she just goes!

I kind of like what I see from those real single moms. They get every other weekend without any children. Wow! How clean would my house be then? How many of those projects that I have put off would I get done? How much sleep would I be able to catch up on?

Ok, the other side of the coin that goes with doing this single stuff for real isn't that exciting either. Lawyers, court dates, hearing, custody battles, money issues and all the other stuff I have no idea about just doesn't out weigh the advantages, so I guess Steve is lucky. He will still have a warm bed to come home tonight; just wish the kids could get to see him soon. But I really wish I could see him.

I guess he is ultimately responsible for how he spends his time, but then again, he doesn't put in the time and produce the work then he doesn’t have a job. But the company he works for does ask a lot of my husband and the pay has gone down hill for the past six years. At one time I didn't mind because we were compensated so well (and he works for a better division) but now I'm complaining. If what he tells me about his job is true, he doesn't even like working there---so why does he continue to work there? Yes, we have great insurance coverage and we used to have great stock options, but they aren't adding up any more. Because he is under a lot of pressure he isn't liking his job so much anymore, at least that is what I surmise from his conversations with me with both eyes open and with my make up on and something besides my jammies on.

Is there a company out there who would employ my husband, pay him a good salary and let him come home before 10pm every night? The kids bed time is 9 and we try to have dinner on the table between 6 and 7 (depending on who I'm running where and when---oh, it would be nice not to have to take everyone to everything). If you know of one, please let me know. I'm tired of being a Married Single Mom.

Just for proof. The children saw their dad (my husband) Monday night (but he didn't sit down to have dinner with us---he was too late) and I let them stay up late Wednesday night so they could see him. Tonight (Thursday) he won't see the children and Friday he won't see the children either. I guess it will be Saturday, unless he has to work.

Doreen

PS--Please do not think I want to get rid of Steve. I truly love him. Today was just a hard day and I could have used my partner in crime here at the home front. I also want all the divorced or single mother (and father with primary custody) out there to know that I do not take lightly your position. In fact I hurt for you when I realize what a very hard job you have to do day in and day out. My hat is off to you. You have angels waiting to sing your praises. May the Lord bless you with extra patience and love for your family.

Yellow Flowers

Across the street at our old house was a house with a yard full of dandelions. With permission from the owner, my children use to pick all the "yellow flowers" their little hands could hold. I have always told them I love those "yellow flowers" so bring me every one you find. I just never tell them it is weeding.

Today while waiting for her brothers to be finished with art class, Jessie was playing in the local schools play ground and parking lot. She noticed a bunch of "yellow flowers" and proceeded to pick them for me (and her). Before I knew what she was doing she was at the van window with a dozen daffodils, "Mom, look yellow flowers for you."

They look very pretty on my kitchen counter in a mason jar filled with water, but I do have to say the prettiest thing was the smile on a little girl in her ballet outfit peeking out behind a fist full of "yellow flowers." I sure hope the school doesn't notice them gone and will excuse a little girl making her mother happy.

Doreen

Alex

When I was down in bed recovering from surgery and then an extra week with bronchitis I had a lot of time to sit and write poetry. Because he was constantly with me I wrote quite a few poems about our dog, Alex. (He also couldn't complain or gripe that I wrote something about him like his human siblings.) He truly is a very funny dog and does about all the things I wrote about here.

Hope you enjoy.

Alex (Haiku)
by Doreen Blanding
In the early spring
To those who chase cotton tails
Slumber comes easy

Alex
by Doreen Blanding
One day in walked a little fur ball
Ne’r did I think my heart would fill
With love for something so very small
He waits for me on the window sill
He has learned to be our friend
To run and fetch a tossed ball
He waits for all to come in the end
And chases leaves in the fall
He loves to keep us sound and safe
Barks at every sound at the gate
Even as our four pound waif
He thinks he’s Alex the Great.

by Doreen Blanding
Alex
Tiny, dog
Running, jumping, chasing
Canine, Terrier, Bunny, Hare
Hopping, munching, scurrying
Fluffy, Rabbit
Peter

Alexander the Great
by Doreen Blanding
I see him from a far chasing that bunny
All the time we laugh because he is so funny.
We watch him chase a leaf across the lawn
He even scratches glass trying to scare the fawn.
He is small in stature but can jump a large log
We love our Alexander because he is our dog.

The Attack
by Doreen Blanding
Upon his haunches he waits
Muscles rippling on his back
Yellow stained teeth ready to grab
Instinct tells him to bound and strike
The unexpected prey
A leaf

Doreen

Poetry continued--GRATITUDE

I took the letters of the alphabet and tried my hand at something different. I thought of something I was most grateful for. It may look pretty easy, but it really was hard because some of the letters I had two, three or even four things I was thankful but I could only choose one. Another rule I had was I couldn't use any proper nouns. You might want to try it.

Gratitude
by Doreen Blanding
Air
Books
Church
Daughters
Earth
Faith
Gospel
Husbands
Intelligences
Joy
Knowledge
Love
Muscles
Neighbors
Opposition
Pain
Quiet
Rocks
Sons
Teachers
Understanding
Victories
Water
X-ray
Youth
Zion

Doreen

To My Mother

This poem I wrote as I was thinking about my wonderful mother. She has this bulletin board in her bedroom that she keeps the current pictures of her family on and I can just envision her turning her chair around and smiling as she looks at those pictures and then a tear comes to her eyes as she sees in those grandkids her own sweet children many, many moons ago doing the same things her grandkids are doing--hamming for a photo.

I love you mom!

Family History
by Doreen Blanding
Pictures of by gone years
Hang upon the wall.
Eyes with loving tears
Look, walking the hall.

Doreen

My Plea - Let Them Sleep!

As our family has been fighting some pretty nasty coughs, I have a plethora of different cough syrups lining our medicine cabinet. As I gave a dose to a child I noticed that the bottle gave this warning, "will not cause drowsiness." Later that night I opened my personal medicine cabinet and noticed that out of the 5 medicines I take each night all but one said, "Caution, may cause drowsiness."

Now somehow this is all wrong. I don't know very many mothers who want their children to be awake when they are sick. I for one want my children to sleep when they are cranky, feverish, and down right not happy. I, on the other hand, NEED to stay awake when I'm sick. I need to drive the kids to their different activities and it is very hard to do that when your eyelids want to fall down and you have NO CONTROL over them. How can I fix dinner when I'm afraid to turn the stove on? I will just sit down at the kitchen table to check over the recipe and the next thing I know I'm awakened to the sounds of fire engines screaming down the road heading to my house.

When will the pharmaceutical companies get it straight? Children's medications need to be laced with drowsy stuff and parent's medications need non-drowsy stuff put in them. PLEASE for every mother out there….let the sick children sleep.

Doreen

My Love

To know me is to know that I love to read. I love to read just about anything and everything. I read history books, science books, cook books, boring books, boy books, girls books, western books, mystery books, alphabet books, picture books, photography books, thriller books, gospel books, sappy books, poetry books, travel books, phone books, quote books, spelling books, grammar books, books on books and any book. In fact to end a perfect date is to end with a trip to the book store. When my husband and I were still at school our favorite place was to end up at the library. It really hurts my feelings and I take it as a personal insult that our local library closes its doors at 6 pm on Friday nights. Don't they know that is where I want to hang out on Friday night!

I love to read so much I belong to two physical book clubs and a couple of online book clubs. I would go to more, but I just can't fit anymore books into my life when you consider that I have to read a couple books just for my homeschool.

I would love to write a book so I know what it is like to do it, but right now it isn't the time to write a book, just dreaming will have to suffice right now. But I did write a few poems about books.

My Library
by Doreen Blanding
Books are my friends, my confidants, my love.
They speak to me as if given from above.
They teach me of things close and far away,
Times gone past, people, and what they say.
They entertain and plant the seed
Of all the great things that I may need.


A Book
by Doreen Blanding
I read books by candle light.
I smile as tells are told.
I cry as loves are lost.
I scream as villains triumph.
I cheer as heroines conquer.
I chuckle at their folly.
I squirm as trouble comes.
I sleep when it is dull.
I turn the pages until,
I sob when the end comes.

Doreen