A Married Single Mom

This isn't to rag on my husband but on society and especially the condition of the work place where my husband has chosen to be employed.

Sixteen years ago when we took this job (and yes, I consider our marriage to be a partnership and so does my husband so we consulted together to make this decision) Steve promised to make family a priority. Fast forward to 2006, six children, a large mortgage and a never ending "crunch" mode at work; his family is still a priority, at least I think. He realizes that to support this family he must pull in a salary, pay the bills as well as be home to visit with his children at least once in a blue moon. BUT…….

This single motherhood thing is growing very, very tiring and weary. Yes, I'm married to him, committed to him and love him to death, but it doesn't make being a single mom every night enjoyable. In fact it is awful hard to be a single mom and still be married. A real single mom doesn't have to work around a husband's schedule. She doesn't have to wonder if her meal that she prepared because her husband likes it will go to waste--she doesn't prepare meals her husband likes because he doesn't live there. A single mom doesn't know if she should hold family prayer and scripture time or wait for dad to show up or even if he is going to show up. A single mom doesn't have to work around a weekend working schedule. If she wants to paint the room, then she paints it without wondering if he is going to show up to help her---he isn't going to help because he isn't there. A single mom just goes on vacation when she wants to, she doesn't have to wait for "down time" or see how many vacation days are given this year; she just goes!

I kind of like what I see from those real single moms. They get every other weekend without any children. Wow! How clean would my house be then? How many of those projects that I have put off would I get done? How much sleep would I be able to catch up on?

Ok, the other side of the coin that goes with doing this single stuff for real isn't that exciting either. Lawyers, court dates, hearing, custody battles, money issues and all the other stuff I have no idea about just doesn't out weigh the advantages, so I guess Steve is lucky. He will still have a warm bed to come home tonight; just wish the kids could get to see him soon. But I really wish I could see him.

I guess he is ultimately responsible for how he spends his time, but then again, he doesn't put in the time and produce the work then he doesn’t have a job. But the company he works for does ask a lot of my husband and the pay has gone down hill for the past six years. At one time I didn't mind because we were compensated so well (and he works for a better division) but now I'm complaining. If what he tells me about his job is true, he doesn't even like working there---so why does he continue to work there? Yes, we have great insurance coverage and we used to have great stock options, but they aren't adding up any more. Because he is under a lot of pressure he isn't liking his job so much anymore, at least that is what I surmise from his conversations with me with both eyes open and with my make up on and something besides my jammies on.

Is there a company out there who would employ my husband, pay him a good salary and let him come home before 10pm every night? The kids bed time is 9 and we try to have dinner on the table between 6 and 7 (depending on who I'm running where and when---oh, it would be nice not to have to take everyone to everything). If you know of one, please let me know. I'm tired of being a Married Single Mom.

Just for proof. The children saw their dad (my husband) Monday night (but he didn't sit down to have dinner with us---he was too late) and I let them stay up late Wednesday night so they could see him. Tonight (Thursday) he won't see the children and Friday he won't see the children either. I guess it will be Saturday, unless he has to work.


PS--Please do not think I want to get rid of Steve. I truly love him. Today was just a hard day and I could have used my partner in crime here at the home front. I also want all the divorced or single mother (and father with primary custody) out there to know that I do not take lightly your position. In fact I hurt for you when I realize what a very hard job you have to do day in and day out. My hat is off to you. You have angels waiting to sing your praises. May the Lord bless you with extra patience and love for your family.