To the "Fathers" in my life

I have three fathers in my life who have influenced me greatly.

The first if my own father.

He has been my father for the past...well, if you know me you know how long... and for that I'm thankful. He has taught me many lessons probably without even knowing it.

Lesson one--Always work hard.

I have never known a man to physically work as hard as my father. When a job needed to be done he just rolled up his sleeves, put on his coveralls and did it. I remember many trips to the rental place getting hedge trimmers, tillers, and other big equipment and watching dad wrestle those things until the job was done. I remember starting to make a closet for my bedroom and dad coming in and helping me finish the job. Even today, the man doesn't quit. I want to check under the hood to see if there are batteries in there. I think he would die inside if he couldn't get up and go and do something.

Lesson two--Always dream.

My father was a dreamer. Every year we were going to be rich. I remember working for him stuffing envelopes, putting postage on them and walking to the neighborhood mailbox to deliver the next in the latest of his adventures. Not many paid off, but he never stopped believing that one day his ship would come in. Today I'm a dreamer and believe that tomorrow will be a better day.

Thanks DAD!

The other father is my father-in-law. I've know him for the past 20 years, more than half my life now! The lessons I've learned from him mostly are shown in how my husband acts as a father, but I've also learned a few lessons from him.

Lesson one--Have integrity.

Integrity is defined as "moral excellence, honesty, wholesomeness, soundness." That fits my father--in-law like a glove. If there ever was a man of integrity it is Steve Blanding (the older one). In hearing stories about how he conducts business and his life it is always with integrity. As a businessman I can only imagine how many times it would have been easy to cheat, steal or do something that would give one gain and yet, my father-in-law never did so and probably never even thought about it.

Lesson two--Be selfless.

I don't recall one time being in my in-laws' home where after dinner his sleeves weren't pulled up and he was doing the dishes. I don't recall one time when he said, "no" to his wife when she asked him to help. I don't recall one time that he didn't help his children out when they asked for help.

Thanks DAD!

The other father is my own husband. I've known him as a father for the least amount of time, but I think I know him the best. It has only be 17 1/2 years since he was a father. He is one great father! I've learned a lot from him.

Lesson one--Never compromise.

When he started his first real job after college he was with a company that you sold your soul to. He decided he wasn't going to. Of course that meant that he was often over looked when promotions and bonuses were handout out. BUT he was there when it mattered. He was there when a son needed to go to the hospital for surgery or stitches or whatever. He was there when his wife needed him because she was in an auto accident. He was always there. He lived the by the words,

"The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home."

David O. McKay

Lesson two--Respect and love always.

I have learned more about respect and love from watching my husband interact with my children and me than anyone else. It doesn't matter what silly thing you do, say or cause to happen, he will still respect you as a child of God. It doesn't matter how bad we hurt his heart, he will still love us. With six children there is bound to be problems inside the home, problems that cause all sorts of troubles for him either in his heart, his wallet or his time and yet, he shows respect and love to those how might at that moment think they deserve something less. I swear his tongue must bleed a lot of times when he talks with me as I'm not humble, not forgiving and very obstinate. But he still loves me.

Thanks Steve!

I love all three of you!

My nightmare

I'm not a stranger to nightmares. Just after my car accident in 2002 I had nightmares. They were often "silly" in nature but they were very real to me. I was always trapped inside something and panic set in that no one was coming to get me out. These nightmares kept me from getting a good night's sleep and often kept me from falling asleep long after midnight because I didn't want to have those nightmares. I had to see a therapist and he helped me literally fight my way through the nightmares. I learned to control my dreams and turn a potential nightmare into a dream where silly things happen. I become a super hero and break whatever barrier is holding me in. I can now control my nightmares and make a a silly dream.

But there is no therapy that can make this nightmare go away. Just Sunday morning, Mother's Day of all days my nightmare of nightmare played again on the screens of my subconscious mind. Just before the alarm was supposed to ring (I forgot to set the alarm--bad momma) the projected started. Of course we can control, to some extent, our dreams, but it takes a lot of work and for some reason I didn't take control of this dream and become producer, director and dictator, instead I let it roll. I truly wish I hadn't.

In my dream our family was coming together for an important family event. At first it was Jessie's baptism, but as it played out it couldn't be Jessie's baptism because she was already baptized. For some reason I didn't change it I let it play out as it was flowing fast. For some reason my in-laws came on bikes and I had no car or transportation. As I look around I notice that Kray and Jason aren't there. Everyone else important is, but they are missing. I'm in tears. Part of my family is missing. I know they slept in and missed their alarm but there was nothing I could do. My nightmare is that there part of my family is missing.

I have always had a very strong since of family so having part of them missing is my worse nightmare. I don't want to even come close to equating myself to Lehi, but I think I am beginning to understand the emotions he might have felt while viewing his vision of the Tree of Life. And just to clarify, my dream wasn't about my boys missing because of sin. My dream was about my feelings of having a part of my family missing.

As I approach my second to last summer before my children start leaving the nest my heart is breaking. I know they need to leave the home eventually, but I wish it wasn't so soon.

I made it!

I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through my first Mother's Day without my mom. I'm surprised I did so well.

On Saturday we did some yard work, and the boys didn't complain too much. We still have a lot of winter snow damage to fix, but slowly and surely we are getting there. I assume that by winter time we will have it all cleared up so the snow can damage it some more.

That afternoon we took a family hike through the Watershed looking for some benches that Mike is thinking of replacing as an Eagle project. The hike was beautiful! Not sure we found all the benches he has been asked to replace, but we think we found at least one. It will be a worthy project. The company was great (although Jason walked ahead of us destroying the "family") and the weather was awesome! Of course the scenery was spectacular! I love living in the Northwest. I can't believe this setting is less than a mile from my home! It took us longer to load the car up than drive to the parking lot!

That evening Steve took most of us to the new Star Trek movie. I'm not a trekie, but the show wasn't bad. I still hate the jerky camera motions that have become popular as of late. I get a headache darn fast. The story was actually a pretty good one and the new cast wasn't too bad.

Sunday morning. I had a nightmare (next post). Woke up in time for a shower and a small breakfast before heading off to church. Sacrament meeting wasn't so bad. The speakers were delightful and the songs were wonderful. The primary kids sang their songs "I Often go Walking" and "Mother, I Love You". (I played the piano.) A mother and son sang, "Mother, Do You Love Me?" Very, very cute. Then after the closing prayer the Priesthood Men sang! the young men sang a version of "I'm so Glad when Daddy Comes Home" and then the dads/husbands sang as well. It seems like our Bishop had some time on his hands and rewrote the lyrics!

After church I made Ginger Chicken (by request of the children). I don't mind making it, but it is labor intensive. Thankfully Matt, Chris and Jessie helped me out. I do love the dish! I also made strawberry shortcake, but we ate that a little later. We then sat down to watch the Sounders FC game (bad reffing!) and then ended the day watching the end of season 5 of Ballykissangel!

I also snuck in there a choir rehearsal.

The whole day I tried to just float on the surface so that I wouldn't and couldn't get emotional. I did ok. Going to bed was kind of hard, but I did my best and held it together! I'm really impressed I was so stoic.

But then maybe it is because on Friday I visited my mother's grave on Friday and left some flowers for her. I didn't know how much I would miss her. I never thought about this part of living without her. Or if I did, I didn't envision it looking or feeling like this.

Over all it was a better weekend than I thought it would turn out to be. I didn't get any presents but I'm not sure I wanted any. I think i just want to plant some lilac in memory of my mom and sister in the places where I pulled the deads ones out.

Here is the Bishop's rewrite!

I'm so glad to see my dear mom

Glad as I can be

Clap my hands contain myself

But want to shout YIPEE!

Careful not to break her ribs

Hug her soft like this

No ones looking so give her what?

An ittsy bittsy kiss.

"I Love you mom!"

...she would make it all better.

I'm not a fan of Mother's Day. Never have been and maybe someday I'll feel comfortable. When I was a young girl I loved giving my mom my homemade gifts. I thought she really loved them. I know better know--she treasured them. Being a homeschooling mom, my kids can't surprise me with school-made gifts cuz I'm the teacher. Oh, well. I get a love note on my pillow every now and then and a hug around my middle and that is even better. I would call my mom and she would make it all better.

Then I became a teenager and couldn't stand my mom. She was always judging me and telling me how to live my life. I think Bon Jovi song, "It's my life" was my battle cry as a teen. Boy did I have a lot of begging for mercy to do 10 years later. I just hope my mom forgave me. I loved her and secretly was listening to all those lectures she gave me. I'm not sure how they all sank in, but they did and I turned out ok. I eventually say "sorry" and she would make it all better.

Then I got married and having children looked pretty bleak. Yes, believe it or not, I experienced some difficulties getting pregnant and ended up on fertility drugs. But I remember those first Mother's Day when my arms were empty and all I had was a promise from a few blessings given to me. My heart ached and I wanted nothing to do with Mother's Day except call my mom, say I'm sorry and go to bed and cry myself to sleep. But I would call my mom and she would make it all better.

Then I had that little "bundle of joy" in my arms on Mother's Day. It wasn't at all what I pictured. No magic day with all my jobs covered, house scrubbed and glistening. I still had to do all the mom things I had done the day before and would do the day after. But my heart always ached for those few in my ward whose arms were empty, houses were just as they left them when they went to bed and whose kitchens didn't have crumbs all over. But I would call my mom and she would make it all better.

Now I can't call her.

I miss you mom! I wish I could call you, because I know you would make it all better. You always did.

FUNNY KIDS!

Oh, what do you do in the springtime

When all the world is WHITE?

Do you watch the snow fall?

Or make a snow ball?

Or in the hot tub to stay?

Is that what you do?

So do they?

Today, March 9, 2009, it snowed a couple of inches at our house. Of course the kids just had to have fun in it. So in the hot tub two went and the other decided a snow alien was in order. The snow fall didn't last too long, but long enough to be enjoyed.

Today the sun has popped out (in fact it is shining on my computer screen right now--but I refuse to close the blinds). It has hailed, pretty big pebbles. It has snowed, blizzard like. It has rained. I think the only thing we haven't had yet is thunder, but the day isn't over and we did hear some on Saturday.

Now I just hope Steve doesn't have an extra long commute because every one panicked.

25 Questions on facebook.

My oldest son is on facebook. It sort of forced my hand to join the major network of people as well. I'm not too excited to be there--too much stuff to keep track of--but it has been fun to reconnect with some old high school friends and get a little more personal with some local friends. I've also connect with some family members that I haven't seen or heard from in over 20 years! WOW has it been that long.
Well, anyway, I got tagged--not sure exactly what to do but I think I copy the questions and then tag someone else. I'm not sure I will tag others, don't mind being tagged, but not sure I will tag others. I thought I would also put the answers here:

I'm sure you already know the drill...copy the questions into a new note, rewrite your answers over the ones that are there, tag people that you think will keep this thing going, including the person you got it from.
1) What is your favorite color of ink to write in?: blue, but red if available
2) Have you ever been in a car accident?: Yes, 2 small ones and one in Nov 2002 that nearly took my life (still fighting the physical and mental effects), they had to use the jaws of life to get me out.
3) Have you ever been on TV?: not to my knowledge
4) Do you think you were an adorable little kid?: Of course I was!
5) What color is your pillow case?: I sleep with at least four pillows, two are white, one blue and the other a lavender color, if I need more I steal my husband's and they are lavender, cream and who knows what other colors. This is to help my back, shoulder and neck feel comfortable from my accident and surgeries so I can sleep.
6) What is your favorite song?: I love music but I don't have favorite popular song. I'm always humming whatever song my children just finished playing either on the piano or boom box, which isn't always a good thing. We are reliving the 80's at my house so the mix is great!
7) What’s your favorite scary movie?: don't watch scary movies, so the scariest movie would be "Monsters INC". It has monsters in it now doesn't it?
8) Are you afraid of the dark?: Not really. I don't necessarily like it, but I'm not scared of it either. I really hate tripping over things in the dark so I do like a night light for that reason.
9) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Steve, my mom and my children.
10) Do you have any tattoos?: no, and never will. I have a hard time with needles--way too many in my adult life have been stuck into me, but I don't faint when they do it to me.
11) Have you ever egged a house?: nope but my house has been egged
12) Do you look more like your mom or your dad?: My mom. Our baby pictures are very similar. Add my daughter in the mix and it is spooky.
13) How tall are you? Not tall enough as 2 of my kids are taller and a third one is close, very close. I'm 5'5".
14) What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?: chocolate chip mint
15) Describe the person that sent this to you in one word: SMART
16) What can you smell?: My dog who is sitting in my lap. (He needs a bath--the kids just took him for a walk in the wet streets.)
17) Do you have a laptop or desktop?: Both, but I use my desktop more often.
18) If you could own a monkey, would you?: Nope!
19) How Did You Get One Of Your Scars?: Just one--but the stories are all fun. The one by my eye is from hitting the corner of a counter when I was little--Mike, my brother, pushed me. The ones in my back are from surgeries and the five in my shoulder are from having my rotator cuff redone. I have one on my hand from being stabbed (I did it myself--at work and then played a volleyball game with two stitches), and same hand some burn marks (again I did it--but I saved my kitchen and my baby from being burnt). My knees are scarred from riding my bike---one really good one! I love my scars--they prove I have lived!
20) Who was the last person to make you mad? My 17 year old, who I think takes delight in it.
21) What do you do when you have a bad day?: Write, watch a good movie or read a great book.
22) What does your hair look like?: I just spent the last year and a half growing my bangs out in honor of my sister's fight with cancer (which she lost) and now I keep it long because my husband likes it that way. Not sure I like it though. I've never not had bangs and it has been over 8 years since I had hair past my collar. I also keep it highlighted so that my hair has some body--it is so fine and thin that I would look bald without it being highlighted. And of course it is straight as uncooked spaghetti!
23) Are you quick to start a fight?: I think not, but I'm sure my family thinks otherwise.
24) What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?: nothing--can't stand anything they have and refuse to pay those prices! Instead I go to dinner before or after.
25) Let's say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your 'cleaned up' swear word?: nonsense words--just sounds put together.

All Dressed Up....

...and no place to go! Happy Valentine's Day, Dear!

Twenty years ago I had a horrible Valentine's Day. The books I needed to finish a report were not at the BYU library. Classes sucked! The weather was cold--freezing cold! My best friend wasn't feeling well, again. Then in my last class, volleyball, the trophy case's glass door shattered on my head. OUCH!

Of course they sent me to the health center in my gym clothes leaving behind all my stuff. Not only was I freezing, but my transportation was at the Smith building and I was clear across campus at the Health Center! I called my apartment and asked one of my roommates to take pity on me. For some reason Steve was at my apartment and volunteered to come get me. I DID NOT WANT TO SEE A BOY RIGHT THEN! And when I'm in a mood, I'm in a mood!

When I finally arrived at my apartment this is what greeted me:

A HEART ATTACK! Steve asked me for a date the following night. He put a lot of thought into the date. It was so nice.

Now, 20 years later, I get my heart attack (notice the necklace in the photo) but no thoughtful date. Three days ago I remind my sweetheart that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and ask him if he will help me get things for the kids door (we heart attack them) and in the same email I ask remind him that reservations might be in order. I hear nothing back--NOTHING! In fact I asked him Friday morning about the email and he can't remember it. (I know exactly where I rank.) He does agree to get the balloons for me on his way home from work because I'm busy with a teen group at the house. I guess I should be thankful he at least gets the balloons for me. I didn't ask him for to get the candy in hopes my kids would forget they usually get a 2 pound bag of M&Ms or Skittles along with a deck of cards . I'll pick some up next week.

I remind him this morning and again this afternoon when he goes up for his nap (he did sleep in--sort of). So at 5:30 I decide I should put on some make-up and do my hair since it is Valentine's Day and he wants to take me to my favorite restaurant: Sages! (If you are ever in Redmond and need some awesome food--SAGES!) I'm all dressed up and so is he and THEN he decides to call.

Of course it is full! Doesn't matter the economy--it is VALENTINE'S DAY NIGHT and it is a SATURDAY!

So instead I'm dressed up with nowhere to go!

Not totally true, he got reservations for 8PM at Desert Fire. I don't mind Desert Fire, but it is not my favorite restaurant, it is OK. Steve likes it so I guess that is OK. Now, I just have to wait for an hour or two with a tummy that is growling--didn't you just hear it?

I still love him, but I think I will have to be in charge of our love life from now on. Let's see...yes, I'm the one who booked the weekend in Vancouver, at Salish Lodge, on Whidbey Island, and he has....Well, guess there is always room for improvement. Rant over!

Snow and Sunshine

We woke up to more snow (maybe 3 inches) and only on the vegetation!!! WHEW! He finally listened and got it right. For years I've been praying for snow, but only if it doesn't fall on the road.

Anyway, I went to work out and by the time I returned there was still ice on my windshield—it still hadn’t melted all the way. It is FREEZING out there. At least my boot hills won't sink in the mud this time. I'm lookin' on the positive side of life today becuase it is sunny! YES THE SUNSHINE IS BACK!

The sun has shown for the past three or four days which is good and bad.

Good—because it makes the world and life seem bearable.

Bad—because I see all the dirty spots on my windows.

Good--because the kids will go outside and play.

Bad—because they come back in freezing cold.

Good—because I can get my car washed.

Bad—because all that water then freezes in my locks and I’m stuck in my car until the kids find an extension cord long enough for the hair dryer.

Good—because I love to wear sunglasses (don’t have to put on eye make-up to run an errand).

Bad—because I can’t find my sunglasses since the last time it was sunny—I think that was 1994, but I could be off by a year or two.

Good--because we can all sing happy songs.

Bad--because we are all now singing those sunshine songs and you can't get them out of your head no matter how many hymns you hum. You know the ones I'm talking about: "Sunshine on my Shoudler" (John Denver) on and the Beatles "Here Comes the Sun" and there other smash hit "Good Day Sunshine" and my personal favorite: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." (You're very welcome.)

Good--because it makes me want to make dinner.

Bad--because I realize that when it is time to put the burgers on the grill the sun will have already set--it is January in the North after all! (Do you think Steve would mind doing it with a flashlight and his parka if I promise him I won't put my cold feet on him in bed?)

Good--because I need the vitamin D.

Bad--because the only exposed part of my skin while outdoors is the tip of my nose. (I wonder how long I will need to stay out to get the Daily Recommended Dose of vitamin D when only 1 square centimeter is exposed. I probably don't want to find out because we probably don't have that much daylight right now anyway.)

Good--because when I tell my kids "If you don't I'm going to kick you outside." I can really carry out that threat.

Bad--because they will want hot cocoa when they come in and I think the last time I needed a chocolate fix I snorted it all. (Boy was that high good. Guess I better get to the canery and get another 2 year supply. I wonder, do they make it in an IV drip formula?)

Good--because my puppy sits in the sunshine and it makes his coat shine.

Bag--because he won't come sit in my lap and warm me up--and boy, he needs a bath!

Good--because it tells me that the Second Coming hasn't happened just yet and I missed it. I was beginning to wonder with all the darkness...

Bad--because I still have to be good!

Have a happy sunny day!

I'm bored!

My daughter is constantly telling me she is bored. I try to remind her that she is human, but she just rolls her eyes at me.

One day, I told her to find something to do and she did this:

If you can't see it very well, I'll tell you that it is a mermaid made out of modeling clay.

It finally happened

I finally had a dream about my mom.

This was the mom I had a dream about. I was this girl for a good part of the dream but then I turned into this age self. Patetic how I could age 20 plus years, but not my mom.

I'm not sure how the dream began, but all of a sudden I was sitting on my living room carpet, the one we had when I was a little girl reading scriptures with my mom. We were knee to knee, elbow to elbow on the floor reading the scriptures. She would stop and give a little lesson every so often, but we just knelt there reading.

It then hit me I was dreaming about my mom, I got to be the real me--the old me--and I tried to ask her questions about heaven and what it was like and she kept Shhing me and told me to read my five verses.

I then woke up. DARN! But at least she finally was in my dream--at least that I could remember.

I miss her something awful! Have lots to tell her and ask her. But mostly I just want to say, "I love you" and give her a squeeze.

Mr. Buttons

I know for a fact that my husband didn't know this element was in the movie and I don't fault him for taking me to it, but I guess I'm still too raw.

Steve took me to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons over the weekend. The movie is fantastic. What a wonderful love story, but....

He didn't know that it was a dying mother explaining to her daughter the story. That was a killer for me!

Just before my sister died I went to the movies with a bunch of girl friends and we didn't know this at the time nor did I know how it would effect me, but the movie was about a sister dying.

Boy I better vet the movies I see just a bit more.

TEXTING should be OUTLAWED!

Ok, I've had it with this new found craze called TEXTING!

Our sons have cell phone and we foolishly thought that they would obey the rules of our family "no texting". Ok, it didn't help that one of our sons' youth leader thought that even though we had told them not to text it was ok so he sent Kray some text messages. (great run-on sentence there teach!) So we over looked the four or five messages and the $20 text bill. We over looked the $7 one the next month as well. Then BAM! The next bill was over $200 and the next one over $300! Needless to say, that son lost his phone for the Christmas break.

We looked over our plan--we don't need texting--and found out that we had to PAY to have this feature--which we don't want nor use--disabled from plan. GRRR!!!

THEN......
this past weekend my wonderful husband took me to see a movie (more on the movie in another post) and even though it said multiple times to silence phones and NO TEXTING, two rows in front of us some blankity, blank teen age girls texted the whole movie. It would have been one thing if they would have done it below their waste, but NO! They had to hold their phones up to their face (you know it is small type) to read as well as send text. Now, you see the problem is that the screens glow! And the light hit me straight in the eyes!

They are just darn lucky I wasn't sitting directly behind them or I would have grabbed the phones and said, "You can have them at the conclusion of the movie."

Now, you may ask why didn't I just switch seats. The answer is simple: the place was packed!
I still am hopping upset at those unthoughtful, "the rules don't apply to me" teenage snobs!

Happy Birthday

Today is my mom's birthday.

She isn't here to take my phone call, open my card or blow out her candles. She is probably so busy in heaven she doesn't even know that she is 75 today. She is in her 29 year old spirit teaching, preaching and loving those who need love. Her knees work, her mind works and she is having the best birthday ever.

My birthday letter to my mom,

Dear Mom,

There is no word known to man that can express the hole in my heart. I miss you so very much. I miss knowing that within nine digits on a phone I can hear your voice. That sweet voice that never once had the tone of, "OK, what is it now my silly daughter. You know you have interrupted me." Instead it was a cheerful, "Hello" in the tone of "you are the most important person in the world and let my meal burn!"

I miss your motherly advice, and boy do I need it know. But I know what you would tell me anyway--PRAY! You would say, "Pray, my darling, and He will help you." You are right, He will, but it still sounds so much better when you say it. And of course it humbles me enough to go and do.

I miss knowing that when I take Kray in the next week or so to visit one of the Dr. Ostlers I can stop by, just for a moment and see your smiling face. Instead I will only go and place a rose on your grave. I will smile and know that you love me and think I'm silly for wasting money on a rose that will die. But I can't hug you so you will just have to take the rose.

Tonight we celebrated your birthday and we tried very hard not to cry--but it was hard--VERY HARD. We each wrote something to you on a piece of paper and let it go. We could only watch them for a few feet because it gets dark so fast in January. We love you mom!

Oh, and on your cake, I put the number 29 because I know that's what you would have wanted and you would have laughed at it. I couldn't find enough letters to spell "Older than dirt" so I got the numbers 29. I might just have to use them in 8 months on my birthday cake.

I love you to pieces mom and miss you every day.

Love,

Doreen

Happy 2009

When you turn over a new calendar you are supposed to make new goals and resolutions--RIGHT!?!
Well, here are mine:
1. Get healthy. (I'm not going to say lose 40 pounds becuase that ain't gonna happen.)
2. Read every day from the scriptures--personal reading, not family.
3. Attend the temple twice a month (hopefully once a week, but I've got to make it a goal I might achieve.)
4. Build my business (sponsor one new consultant a quarter and keep $500 a month in sales going--that's hard for me because I'm not a pressure type of gal.)
5. Don't kill my kids (had to do with stubborn teens.)
6. Have fun!

Well, we will see how it is working.

What I want....

Can you believe it is:

Yep, Jessie told me right after she finished unwrapping, no I mean, tearing all the wrapping off her presents.

This is what I didn't get for Christmas but wanted:

It is the newest Canon DSLR (EOS 5D Mark II) and it is beautiful. I've gone and played with it and WOW! it is some camera. I love the video capture feature but the camera itself is absolutely amazing. The 21 megapixel CMOS sensor is (insert superlative) AWESOME. But I'm dreaming as the price takes is close to $3K (over if you get a new lens--which I need anyway).

I have 365 days to save my pennies--maybe I can make it.

Still Snowing on Christmas Day

We dreamt it and we got it!

Today is Christmas Day! YEAH for Santa!

We had a lovely Christmas Eve program. The younger children acted out the Nativity while the older kids sat and snickered. Jessie was Mary, of course, Matt was a wiseman/ninga, Chris as the Shepherd and Mike was Joseph.

Steve read "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" our favorite Christmas story.

We then went into the living room where those who wanted played Christmas songs. I wish I could remember them all, but they all had at least two songs to play for us. Kray has a totally awesome version of Carol of the Bells that he has worked out on his guitar but refused to play it. (Got to love teenagers-NOT!) In fact Jason has added a drum beat to it in the back and Mike has added a bass line as well. It is pretty awesome. Maybe one time I will get a video of it--oh, wait, can't our video recorder broke in 2005 and still hasn't been replaced.

We then watched a movie and sent the kids to bed.

With younger children it was up and at 'em bright and early--too early. My alarm went off at 6AM---DON'T YOU KNOW IT IS A HOLIDAY KIDS! Of course we don't have to wake anyone up on Christmas morning, but come a seminary morning....

Santa found his way here. He must have had blind eyes this year because our kids sure weren't good enough to receive what they received. Santa left behind lots of goodies in their stocking and a Wii for the family. The other big present was Steve got a new computer and is in the process of setting up his old one for the kids. It has been a huge battle all year with one computer for six kids. Especially when their is a virus on the kids' computer and it has to be taken down for days at a time. Hopefully this will stop all that mess! Of course this meant that I had to find a place for it in our already crowded school room. I need another six feet in this room! We can't put it in a non puplic room so that meant I had to give up a craft desk in my sewing room. I can just see it now--my sewing room trashed or even worse something in it gets broken. But in the mean time, I had to clear the desk, move it from the corner and basically rearrange the whole room. Hopefully this will be worth it becuase it sure is a pain! Like I said, I'm not sure our kids have been good enough for this--Santa sure wasn't paying close enough attention to their behavior.

My tree:

Playing with some photo editing software (no, I didn't get that for Christmas, just playing around).

A White Christmas

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Oh the weather outside is frightful

Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let is Snow!

Frosty the Snowman

Any holiday song about snow, weather or cold fits perfectly what is going outside at our house! And YES! We might have a White Christmas. It will be our children's first White Christmas!

Wednesday the 17th a "huge storm" was supposed to blow in. They even cancelled school just in case. We woke up to a very little bit of white stuff on the ground. In fact I couldn’t even leave a foot print when I went for the morning paper. Many people were upset that officials cancelled so many events, but they must have forgotten or weren't here for the winter storm of 1990. That was our first storm. The snow started to fall Friday around noon and some kids didn't make it home from school that day because the roads were so bad. We left a day or two later to go to California for Christmas and it took us over four hours to get to Tacoma. That is normally an hour trip in moderate traffic. Two weeks later when we came home from our holiday travels cars were still abandoned in the medians. Snow cripples the northwest and officials were being cautious.

Then Wednesday evening the white stuff, seen about once a year in Redmond and only for a day or two, came falling down. Thursday morning we get the call that seminary and school is cancelled. YEAH! A snow day! Here is what our winter wonderland looked like.

Our maple tree ouside our front door.

Alex (in the dead center of this photo) is a chicken and a scaredy cat.

He found that the snow was past his face and didn't want anything to do with it and ran straight back into the garage.

Jessie.

(Hey, mother, why don't you even clean her coat?)

Of course Mother Nature wasn't done with us. This is what it looked like on Friday morning as I sent my two boys off skiing with a friend. It was a gorgeous sunrise!

The fence acorss the street from our house.

Saturday the snow continued. I would say we had a good 11 inches by the end of the day. But they had predicted a rather nasty storm to blow in during they day. It was so nasty that they thought 90 mph winds to whip through the region. We, with the rest of the town, made sure our cars were full of fuel as well as our gas cans, just in case we needed to run the generator to stay warm. Our neighborhood gas station was out of gas by noon. We also tried to finish up some last minute Christmas shopping but the lines were so long that it wasn't worth it.

Looking down into downtown Redmond on our errands.

This picture doesn't do it justice! I was like a picture out of postcard.

Now this looks like a postcard.

Saturday night we went to bed prepared to wake to darkness and cold. We only had one twinkle of the lights around 11pm. Thankfully we kept power all night and the storm wasn't as severe or just plain missed us.

Sunday morning there was a good sheet of ice covering the snow and it looked like we had a couple more inches added to the foot already on the ground. That morning I took some time and beat the heavy snow off some of the bushes. Earlier this year we had a freak snow flurry in April and it topped my ornamental cherry tree. We tried desperately to trim it up, but it ended up looking like it went to HairMasters. I didn't want that to happen to my rhodies.

The bird bath covered and uncovered numerous times these past few days.

Our deck table, looks like a frosted cake.

The wind was pretty strong Saturday night.

Look what it did to our porch.

Steve's foot prints going to the dog pen.

The same maple from above on Sunday morning.

Our cherry tree in Nov 2006

And now.

Hopefully the Man in the Red Suit will recognize our house!

Six very long years

I tried desperately not to think about it. I really did and that is why I'm up this early thinking about it and now blogging about it.
In 2002 at 5:40 in the morning my life changed forever. I was hit. I was in an auto accident that could have and probably should have taken my life. But since I'm typing right now, it didn't and I have to live with the aftermath.
Physically it shook my world and until the day I'm resurrected with a perfect body I will probably feel the effects of the accident in my back and especially in my neck. I have been in therapy for six long years and have personally decided that I think I'm done. The only thing that brings relief are therapeutic massages and our insurance doesn't cover them. So I will pop pills when needed to control the pain and stiffness and be done with twice a month therapy.
Mentally I think I will always suffer from PTS for the rest of my life. I can't tell you what it does or when it will strike, but every now and then I just can't handle life. Every one is out to get me. Headlights are the worse thing for me and they make my heart race. To this day they still make me think. I hate it. I truly hate it.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't been hit. I know the positive things that have come out of this--OK, I can only think of one today and that is that I'm still alive and I don't take life for granted anymore--but I think of al the negative things that have been a result of this. All the thousands of dollars that we have personally spent on my healing. That one really hurts because here I sit six years later and wonder how much of that money was just thrown away because it did no good. What could I have done with it? Could I have put that to better use for my family. That is where the sting lies. As we struggle today to put food on the table, gas in the cars and clothes on our back I wonder how many thousands of dollar did I waste. Then there is the time I wasted chasing the ultimate cure. What I would give to have those hours back. I don't dare even do the math on how much time was spent on trying to heal my body. I know some of it did good, but what about the stuff that didn't do a darn thing? I will never get those months, weeks or years back.

But I sit here today surrounded by my loved one (who are still in bed or at seminary) and I'm thankful that the Lord sent His angels to protect me that morning. I wish I could do it all over again, but I'm just glad I'm able to be here with my children and husband. Through all the depression and PTS I've been through they have stood beside me and prayed for my well being. I know I'm still here because of them.

I'm grateful to be alive.

PS /thebackdor/2006/01/morning-that-changed-my-life.html is my post about the accident.

My Rocks!

I've been thinking a lot about rocks these past few days. Somehow I need to make sense of all the metaphors and images of rocks I've been thinking about. Please bare with me as I share my scatterbrained ideas.

It seems like any self-help book on how to prioritize or organize your life talks about the parable of putting stuff into a jar. The author uses different words, but it amounts to the same thing.

Imagine a pile of rocks, another pile of stone, a pile of pebbles, a pile of sand and a cup of water. Next to these piles is a glass mason jar and you have to fit them all in. How do you do it?

This may not be obvious to the person who is reading this for the first time, but for those of us who are constantly reading books like this, it is simple. Put the big rocks in, then the stone, then the pebbles, then the sand and then the water. You can get much more in if you start with the big stuff. Don't believe me; try it.

This is just like in life. When we put our things in piles of importance and then try to stuff them into the jar they will all fit if we put them in the right order. But the trick it knowing what is big. It is easy to see a rock is bigger than a stone or pebble. But it isn't easy to see that family dinner is bigger than son's soccer practice. This is where it gets complicated and worse yet, NO ONE can tell YOU what your big rocks are or what may be your pebbles. And even more complicated is that every morning you will find the same jar empty and the same piles sitting next to it ready for you to load up for the day. But guess what happened during the night--all the labels you put on those rocks, stone, pebbles, etc., slid off and you have to reattach the labels today!

Here is something else I've been thinking about rocks. We were reading in Matthew about how the wise man built his house upon a rock and the foolish man built it upon the sand. Of course the obvious interpretation of that scripture is building your house of faith upon the rock--meaning the Savior. But what about building your mental house upon the rock? My mental state has a better day when I build my house upon a rock, upon the steady things of life. There are a few rocks that the labels have been etched in stone (pun intended). Scriptures study and prayer are HUGE rocks and they go first. Faithfulness in my marriage is one that it think is so huge that it doesn't even fit through the mouth of the jar anymore--it is in there permanently. (If only a few other character faults of mine were corrected and then grew to big to fit through the mouth of the jar I wouldn't have to put them back in every morning and prioritize them.) What rocks do we build our life on? What are our big rocks? Do they change with the seasons of our life?

Recently I had a friend ask me if she was putting her business in front of her family? She was having a day of weakness as someone had rattled her cage. I wanted her to know that she had her rocks so well prioritized that her family always came first--no question about it. Her family runs well, not that there aren't hiccoughs along the way but her priorities are so well placed that she can deal with them with grace and ease: almost so no one even notices that there was a hiccough.

I'm not sure I dealt well with the rocks, stone, pebbles , sand and water in my life very well in the past few months. I've let a few things rock my foundation (yes, that pun was intended). Those who know me well know of the most earth shaking: the passing of my sister (August 2007), my nephew's daughter (February 2008) and my beloved mother (July 2008). Now, don't go thinking my faith has been shaken--FAR FROM IT! But my mental and emotional foundation got a little unstable there for a day, week, month or even a year or more.

On top of that add physical pain from my auto accident in 2002 (still dealing with muscle stiffness) and then a rotator cuff surgery in July (yes I did have surgery right after my mother passed away). I have been lazy trying to repair myself and recoup what physical and mental state I use to have.

The stuff I would label water has been sneaking in first. OK, it doesn't sneak in, I pour it in.

So let's set this house back on its firm foundation with the big rocks planted firmly in the corner and holding up the building.

Big rocks:

Family (sometimes I have to put individual names on the rocks)

Church/Religion (scripture reading, prayer)

Education (mine and my children's)

Stones:

Business (Heritage Makers--I'm going to make it pay eventually)

Recreation (self)

Health (gym workout and sleep--I should add eating, but then I might eat even more!)

Housework (I HAVE to put this here, although I would like to put it in the water section--especially if it has anything to do with cooking)

Pebbles:

My "for fun" reading (I could read a good book all day long and be totally content)

Gardening (I wish I could move this up, but it needs to stay here until I can move a stone down here)

Sand:

I'm not even sure I have room for sand ~smile~

Water:

TV and movie watching (I love to sit and watch movies with my husband and do so every night, but boy, it truly needs to be the water that I add in the end).

See it all can fit--eventually!

My shows—TiVo and Netflix

I’m not a huge fan of TV because there isn’t much on that I consider good. So the shows that I like have to be very good. I just don’t have time for fluff. Here are a few that I like. (Steve probably likes them too since he ends up watching them with me.)

Drama:
House:
There is no word to explain how this off the wall drama makes me laugh so hard. Hugh Laurie, who happens to be a British actor, is one of the best “American” actors. The best way to describe this show is Sherlock Holmes in the 21st century. Dr. House is addicted to drugs, but is a brilliant detective; only he is solving medical problems not crimes. Dr. House is irreverent, rude, perverted and some times just down right mean, but I love him! Since I haven’t seen very many shows in order I’m not quite sure of the complete back story, but I am beginning to piece things together. I’m not sure it is exactly necessary to watch in order. I just love finding a House on our TiVo.

MI5:
In Britain this show is called “Spooks”. You have to watch this show in order. If you don’t you sort of lose the back story which is pivotal to understanding the characters and why they do what they do. The only thing I really hate about this show is that they have no problem killing off some of the main characters. In fact I just watched the end of season four when the main character’s wife, a spy herself, was killed. Then in the next few episodes he gets shot! I tell you it was one long weekend while we waited for the next set of discs to show up. I won’t tell you what happens, because I want you to watch it! Just make sure you do it in order—it makes sense if you do.

Law & Order:
I love Sam Waterson “Jack McCoy” and Jerry Orbach “Lennie Briscoe”—oh, I love the “Lennie lines”. He is my favorite on this show. I love that it is filmed in New York City. I love that you really don’t have to watch them in order to understand 95% of the show. You can just jump in and start where you want. Yes, there is a bit of back story in this drama, but you really don’t need to know it to understand or watch this show. I will love that you see both sides of the justice system: the law (police) and the order (the courts). As much as I hate it when the bad guys go free we do have great system.

Law & Order SVU:
This is a spin off of the original only they deal with the most ugly of criminals those who deal with—well I can’t tell you because this is a clean blog. I love the acting of Mariska Hargaitay “Olivia Benson” and Christopher Meloni “Elliot Stabler”. And who doesn’t love Richard Belzer as “Munch” and Ice-T as “Fin”. Just a great cast dealing with the pond scum of pond scum. The only thing I hate is often time we never enter the court room so we miss the “order” part. I would love to hear the sentences handed out to the creeps on this show.

Law & Order CI:
Another spin off of the original that I just can’t seem to get enough of. Vincent D’Onofrio is an actor that at first I couldn’t just get, but now I just love the episode with him in it. Robert Goren is one great detective and I just love the shows and his partner, Alexandra Eames, get to solve the crime. I didn’t like Kathryn Erbe’s acting when I first saw it, but she has grown on me and now I don’t mind her at all. Again, the “order” part is missing.
The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: I love this BBC drama. In BBC fashion they ended the series before they “jumped the shark”. I don’t know how to describe this series except to say, I have yet to be disappointed. The actors are superb! Nathaniel Parker is not only good looking but a great actor. Sharon Small adds just that bit of tension that the rich and privileged Lynley needs. It was truly a sad day when they announced that they were done filming.

Inspector Morse:
One of the better of the BBC dramas every produced and acted. John Thaw, as Inspector Morse (you will have to figure out his first name, just like we did) is a spectacular actor. We loved how he portrayed this uptight, pretentious and cynical detective. His partner, Sergeant Lewis, is a great anti Morse. As Morse has no family, Lewis does. We Netflix’ed all 33 episodes of this series and loved every one of them. Set in and around Oxford, England, the countryside is just as beautiful as the show. If you love a good mystery/detective show this is the series for you. BBC does it again!

Midsomer Murders:
As you can see, we love mystery/detective shows and no one does it better than the BBC! This is another one that is just great. John Nettles is inspector Tom Barnaby who can never catch the murder until after at least three corpse show up. What is even more interesting is that this takes place in a very small, backwards and beautiful county of Midsomer. Of course don’t go looking for it on an English map because you won’t find it. The people of the county are usually very amoral and snobbish and we love every one of them—especially when they are the murders.

Prime Suspect:
Helen Mirren is the second best British actress on the planet. This show isn’t a regular show, but a show that was shown on PBS’s Masterpiece Theater. This show is a “masterpiece”. There are only 7 episodes, but each one is so well done. The show has won a total of 23 internation awards and rightly so. I will warn you that it is a griping crime drama and they don’t hold anything back. If you are one that faints or gets sick at the sight of blood, make sure you have a pillow handy to hide your face. They show crime in its gripping reality. Helen Mirren as DCI Jane Tennison is spatacular! The acting is outstanding. A must if you truly love good stories, good acting, good photography and want to watch a griping who-done-it!

Comedies:
As Time Goes By:
This is my favorite British sitcom. It stars Judi Dench and Geoffrey Palmer. It aired in Britain from 1992 to 2005 so there are plenty of discs to rent. Beware; you will fall in love with Jean, Lionel and Judith. Alistair will grow on you. You will have to rent them all! I hate to give the plot away but Jean and Lionel get a second chance at love and because of that you need to watch them from episode one to the end. You will cry and laugh and you will wait by the mail box for the next disc.

Only Fools and Horses:
This British comedy stars David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst. They portray brothers who will “next year we’ll be millionaire.” Rightly so it was awarded Britain’s Best Sitcom in 2004. If you understand British cockney humor this is a must to rent! At first I didn’t like the show, but it grew on me. I really hated the fact that the show never ended the way I wanted it to, but life doesn’t always end with the guy in the white hat winning. I really hated “Del Boy” ruining everything for Rodney (or Dave). The comedy timing and acting is great in this show. Lovely-jubbly.

The Piglet Files:
Starring our friend Nicholas Lyndhurst from Only Fools and Horse. It is a comedy about secret service guy and his buddies who bumble themselves through cases. It is very, very funny. It only ran a few years, but it is a great show; worth the rental from Netflix.

Now I'm sure that I will find more and more to add to this list as I finish each of these shows. My Netflix queue is full of other potential list makers. I'll keep you updated but in the mean time, check out these shows and see if you don't agree with me.