Ragnar

I had the privilege of running my first Ragnar Relay the summer of 2012. It was so much fun that the moment the Relay was open for 2013 I grabbed a spot. I grabbed it without even having one person on my relay that's how much fun it was.  In fact when I was talking to my husband about doing this (you have to put down over $1000 for a spot) he said, "Only if I get to be the driver again."  Guess he had fun too!

What is a Ragnar? Simply put it is 12 friends in two vans running a relay "race"  of about 200 miles from point A to point B over two days (roughly about 30 hours). You run your leg, rest, run your leg, rest, run your leg, rest and party. It is so much fun.

My Ragnar Team 2012

So here it is 2013 and I'm the captain trying to steer her team to victory.  I set up a facebook group so that we can post our training. I find that when I post my training I train better, at least that is the idea behind the group. I just hope it works. 

Training:

One more to go...

1. Run! Ragnar has a great training guide for those who are experienced runners as well as those who are new to Ragnar. Use it. I believe that each Ragnar event has its own schedule. If not fine a schedule. There are a ton on the internet or in books. I just like to get out and run.  Here is what i try to do (and I'm not expert). 
Monday: Run 3-4 miles
Tuesday: Run 4-6 miles
Wednesday: Run 6 miles
Thursday: Run 4-6 miles
Friday: Rest (important to not skip this part)
Saturday: Long Run 
Sunday: Rest
Now my long runs can range from 6 miles to 18 miles depending on where I am in my training to an event. I try to add two miles a week until about four weeks before my event with the max at 20 miles (or 3.5 hours). Don't forget to taper.   

2.  Run at different times during the day and make sure you do a solo night run. Make sure you run with a vest, headlamp and tail light. It is a totally different feeling running in the middle of the night and each runner will be running at least once during the night.  It might not be pitch black, but you will have to run with a headlamp and vest and that can be different.  

3. Split your milage.  Take your milage and split it up during a 12 hour period. In other words run 3 miles in the morning and then do a 3-6 mile run later in the day.  It's even better if you can add another 5 mile run during the 12 hours as well (a lunch time run).  During a Ragnar you will be running three different times without a long rest period.

3. Run in your gear.  Make sure you wear what you are going to run in; don't "save" it for race day. There is nothing worse than being two miles into your six mile leg and finding out that your shoes aren't right or the shorts ride up and you are uncomfortable. 

4.  RUN! RUN! and RUN!

What to pack?

GEAR

Yes, it all fits and I still have room.

You will need three complete running outfits from the inside out. The only thing that you might be able to reuse is the shoes, but even then I would have at least one pair of backups. Living in the northwest it rains and I HATE to run with wet feet!  I don't mind the rest of me being wet, but I hate running with wet feet.  Last year we had a downpour during the first six legs and when we were "resting" we had to find a laundromat to dry out our shoes. I'm glad I had two pair of shoes. 

I would suggest that you put each outfit in a ziplock bag (minus the shoes) so when you are trying to find your outfit you will only need to find one thing (ok, two if your shoes are not in the bag). Then when you are done running you can then put the sweaty, stinky running clothes into a bag that can be zipped up. Your teammates will thank you.
Don't forget to make one of the outfits your night running gear. 

Ziplocked and ready for my first leg!

Here is the list of items in my personal bag:
Three ziplock bags with my running attire (bra, top, bottom and socks) with one of them being my PM outfit (long sleeves). And a team running shirt. 
One ziplock bag with my comfy clothes in it (if room I'll slip in a second shirt).
Running jacket just in case it is pouring
Sweat shirt (it's cool at night)
Head lamp
Vest
FRED (flashing Rear End Device)
Sunglasses
Running watch
TWO running shoes and an extra pair of socks
Garbage bag for soaking clothes & a couple ziplock baggies
Towel
Hat
Ear phone, iPhone & charger
Running belt (just in case my leg has no van support)
Quarters & Cash
Safety pins
Body Glide
Body Wipes & Deodorant
Flip Flops
Hair band, hair brush
Running chews & Nuun
Cosmetic bag: (see below)
First Aid: (see below)

SURVIVAL KIT: 

You will sleep just about anywhere.

SMELL COMBAT: You will be running and running and running and NOT showering so please bring a box of baby wipes or something so that you don't have to have all the windows down. You may also want to wear something comfortable when not running, so bring an extra pair of clothes to change into during your off times and maybe not too causal as you may hit an eating establishment during your break, but don't over pack. And don't forget the Deodorant!  

You will sleep just about anywhere.

SLEEP: You may catch a few catnaps but trying to get a good nights sleep will almost be impossible, but still bring a sleeping bag and pad. The gyms at the exchanged during the Northwest Passage are open for those who want to try to sleep.  My husband and I slept on the tennis courts last year and had a great sleep considering.  

COSMETICS: Not the kind that will make you beautiful, but will keep you beautiful. Sunscreen and bug spray. Don't forget toothbrush and toothpaste (a must if you want to still be INside the van come morning. If you wear contacts don't forget saline solution and a pair of extra glasses--just trust me on this one.  Oh, and chapstick.  I throw in shampoo and conditioner just in case there are hot showers at the end and you get a chance to take one. And bring a whole box of babywipes and share. I have long hair but wear a ponytail when I run so a brush and hair band (or two) are needed.  

FIRST AID: Grab a box of band aids for the car, a few ziplock baggies (they hold ice better than the produce bags at the local market). An ace bandage comes in handy too.  BODY GLUID! I live by that stuff.  Safety pins if only to hold the big number on. Foam roller or Stick (love 'em), compression socks (use 'em), Hand Sanitizer: all you have are port-a-potties--need I say more!  You can either put this together for the van or you can bring it as an individual. Oh, and don't forget  your favorite pain med. 

EXTRA: Quarters for the laundromat dryer or you end up with $20 worth of quarters. gum, window markers, cow bells, whistles, streamers, sunglasses, umbrella. sharpies, wash clothes, phone chargers, a towel for either the hot shower (if you take one) or the rain shower, camera and a smile! 

All our legs done and done in.  

FOOD:

On my team we let each van decide how to handle the food. It is hard to do it completely communal food when there are food allergies, likes and dislikes and on event day is not a day to stray too far from your normal or you wont' be running for the finish line.  

My van has two coolers, one that is for personal items (all marked with sharpie and in ziplock baggies) and the other is food for sharing.  We all bring stuff we want to share with others. it can be from bagels, cream cheese, grapes to gu, salt tablets and gatorade. 

During our rest period we will find a sit down restaurant and each order something to refuel. 

Tracking our kills and progress on the back of the van. 

WATER:

I love having a case of individual water bottles as it is easy to toss when you are running and not worry about breaking an expensive water bottle and they are easily refillable. We will also have a couple gallons of water in the car and pick a couple more up when we stop for gas and ice.  

We keep track of how many 8 oz. each runner drinks so that no one gets dehydrated. Dehydration is very preventable and if you do get dehydrated it is a trip to the ER spoiling everyone's day.  We even track our drivers intake.  

HAVE FUN! 
It will be so much fun you will be signing up for the next one before you know it! 

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

Happy Mother's Day! It is so wonderful having a daughter who will one day be a mother herself (I hope). She made me breakfast (eggs on toast), picked a lovely flower for decoration, and a lovely handmade card (and she makes them beautiful!) and then for dessert (yes, there is dessert for breakfast!) she made me strawberry shortcake! YUMMY!!!
Thank you to Kray and Alysia for taking her to the store yesterday--you made her day. She desperately wanted to show me how much I mean to her. That was a GREAT treat, so thank you.
To Matt and Chris, thanks for remembering it was Mother's Day--and the kisses you give me (I still love kisses from my boys).
To Mike for getting up this morning without me begging you!
And so I don't for get my other son, Elder Jason Blanding, I love you too and can't wait for our phone call/skype this afternoon. 
I am thankful for six WONDERFUL kids who made me a mom. It is the hardest, messy job there is (Mike Row couldn't even do it on Dirty Jobs), but it is the most rewarding too.  I celebrate my children this day--the reason I celebrate Mother's Day.

Mother's Day wasn't always roses and sunshine. When I first got married and Steve and I wanted to have children, we couldn't. I had some medical problems, but through modern medicine and science we were able to have six wonderful, beautiful, spunky, energetic, trying, and lovely children. They are the pearls around my neck, the diamonds on my finger and the stars that light up my life. 

Thank you Kray, Jason, Mike, Matt, Chris and Jess for making me a mom.

Mother's Day

As the ​stores are crowded with children looking for that perfect Mother's Day card and gift for the beloved mother or husbands busily picking up that dozen of roses for their wife, may I express my thoughts about Mother's Day.

See, I don't get to join the throngs. My mom is gone. She passed away in 2008. I still feel the pain of that phone call.  One Friday my brother called to tell me mom was in the hospital and it didn't look good. I made the four hour trip in three hours (thank you WSP for not paroling the freeway that day). I stayed as long as I could and returned Sunday night. Monday evening my nephew called with words I didn't want to hear. She was gone.

Today all I can do is think of my mom. So while you are searching for that perfect card to say the ​words your heart can't say; don't mumble, don't complain, be happy. I dearly wish I could be with you, shoulder to shoulder searching for the perfect card, picking out those flowers, boxed candies and that perfect card.  The flowers I get for my mom, she never sees or smells. She can't eat the candy and she can't read my card.

I miss my mom. I miss her very much. As I struggle raising my children through their teen years, I really, really miss my mom.  I miss her voice. ​I miss her advice. I miss her love.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.​

He Hears and Answers

We all wonder if God really hears our prayers or if we are just talking in the wind. I know He answers them. We had a small personal miracle occur the other day.

My son is doing an Eagle Project at a local soccer field and he scheduled work to happen in the evening during the week.  He wanted a 5:30 start and work for a few hours each night with it ending with a big push on Saturday. This was planned for the Fourth of July week. Summer in Seattle starts July 5th. It rains and is ugly all they way until the fireworks are over, or so the tale goes in Seattle. This year was no different.

Monday, July 2nd's weather was decent. Not hot, just cloudy and pleasant.
Tuesday, July 3rd's weather was horrible. Torrential downpour. It started about 3pm and wasn't letting up.  The sky was black with no break in the clouds. While I was in my bedroom that afternoon I noticed the rain was so hard it was pouring over the gutters. There was no way we were going to get any work done in this rain. I even called my husband in tears.

Chris had contingency plans: work anyway! So we loaded the car, got down there to mud, mud and more mud and pouring rain. We set up a little rain fly and had to continually dump the little part that would fill with water.  By the time we had everything ready we were soaked. All this time I kept telling the kids to pray. It wasn't working as the rain continued to fall and fall hard.

So I gathered the children under our little fly and prayed a simple but heartfelt prayer.  I was very pointed in our requests.
1. We wanted the rain to stop when the first worker arrived.
2. We only asked that it stop for our little section of Redmond.
3. The rain could come back as soon as we were done.
4. We thanks him for the opportunity our family had to repay LWYSA with this Eagle Project.

He hears!

At 5:30 when Mark showed up, our first worker, the rain stopped.
One little patch of blue sky was over 60 acres south. The rest of the sky was gray as gray can be.
Not ONE rain dropped fell on us while we worked.
When we left at 7:30 I had to turn on my wipers in the van.

I hope my children remember this episode in our family's life for the rest of theirs. He hears and answers our prayers.​

Always Prepared

I grew up in a very tiny house with seven sibling (and two parents).  The home has barely 1000 square feet. My mom was a genius. She packed a two year supply of food somewhere in that house. All the camping gear was always ready (or at least it seemed it was to me). She was very organized.  I remember after May 18, 1980, the day Mt. St. Helens blew up that she got even more organized.  I learned well from her that summer as we sorted, stacked, cleaned, repaired and got ready for whatever might come our way. My mom wanted our family to be ready to be able to pack the car in 10 minutes and be able to "live" for a while. We never tested it, but she taught me a few things.

Today we got home from a WONDERFUL three days at our family's little secret location: LONG BEACH, WASHINGTON. 

Sunset our first night!

Dang if this isn't the most beautiful place on earth!

We always stay at the Stake Park there in Ilwaco. The beach is but a minute walk from our camp site. The little town (which has seen better days) is a short five minute drive up 101--yes, highway 101! The best wind is right there and most of all we have no cell reception!  We actually have to talk to each other.

Side story: We ventured down to Cannon Beach, Oregon this year and while I was watching my kids play in the sand I noticed a couple sitting on a piece of drift wood. They both had their heads down looking at their cell phones the entire 15 minutes I watched them.  He NEVER looked at her. They NEVER talked. I can just hear their evening conversation now:

"What a day at the beach! The sun was so bright I could barely ready my twitter feed."

"I know!" she replies, "I wasn't quite sure if Mary posted a pictures of her husband's face or was it a picture of their new baby."

"Hey, but I got three stars in the latest Angry Bird!" as he fist bumps his wife and plugs in his phone before he turns off the light.

What a way to experience the beach!

But I digress. I'm posting this post because my friend Laurie wanted a follow up to my Facebook post that said this:

Just in case you really cared about what I'm doing today; Car unpacked, garage cleaned out (still need to do "dad's work bench--but I think I'll make him do that so he can't yell at me that something is in the wrong place), camping gear "stored" for four more weeks and my list is made to replenish what was used!

I make sure that I pack my camping gear so that all it takes is kids loading it into

the car and we are off! That way if we have to leave for whatever reason (Mt. Rainier, St. Helens, etc) then we can be out the door in ten minutes! GO BLANDING KIDS! YOU ROCK!

Kray, Mike, Matt, Chris & Jessie!

(Jason went to work so he missed out on the fun, camping and putting away.)

Now you are totally informed as to what I am doing!--feel better? I do (break's over anyway).

Laurie wanted to know what I did so here is it! 

First you need to know that our gear usually gets stored in our little shed, but since we are going on another family camping trip in four weeks I thought I would leave it in the garage. But it all fits in the left hand back corner of this shed. Christmas/Holiday to the right, camping to the left with yard tools and painting supplies in front. The painting supplies are out too because I'm supposed to paint the house this summer.

Our little shed with a big hole where our

camping gear belongs.

I put all the gear in Rubbermaid containers. I use the big ones for most everything, but have a small one as well. I've marked them all with silver duct tape so I know what is in them. See them stacked so nicely in my garage right now?

Stacked and ready for the next adventure.

I have seven containers right now. Here is the break down:

Box #1

Paper Products

: paper plates, plastic wear, bowls, cups, garbage bags, hot cocoa cups, paper towel, assorted zip lock bags, & salt and pepper.

I replenish this as soon as we get home so I don't even have to think about it. Just grab and load.

Box #2

Kitchen Supplies

: 2 dish pans, cups, dish rack, big pot, 2 scrubbers and dish soap.

I clean these when we get home and put them right back in. I also replace the scrubbers so they are clean & dry (they are still in their packaging). I have two because one if for my dutch oven and will not have soap in it. Dutch Ovens are porous and your food will taste like soap.

Box #3

Kitchen Supplies

: 3 griddles, pot & lid, 2 skillets, 3 cutting boards, roasting sticks, camp cups, table cloths, tin foil and utensils.

Again, I clean these right after we get home and restock. Don't ask why three griddles--I think they go on sale and I buy another just in case. My mom had a tub similar to this one. She called it her kitchen in a box. She wanted to be able to cook just about anything from it--and I can.

I've gotten to the point there I'm using my dutch oven so much that I might just leave most of this stuff home, but I'm chicken. Of course I will need my table cloths, utensils, cutting boards (maybe), tin foil and of course the utensils. 

Box #4

Tools

: Newspaper, broom, bugs spray, rain ponchos, sun screen, duct tape, rope, gloves (leather work kind), mallet, hammer, tools (basic screwdriver etc.), hatchet, matches, lighters, propane burner, and a FIRST AID kit.

This one is easy to clean out and replenish. I have two smaller containers--shoe box size--inside this box that hold the bug spray and sunscreen separate. I also slip the two long handled lighters in with the bug spray. I just replace the used newspaper and make sure the lights are OFF and throw in a pack or two of batteries.  And it should be noted that the lighter fluid is always in a ziploc bag.

Label on side of container. This is Box #4 out of 7.

If I don't have seven boxes in my trailer then I know I'm missing one!

The top of a box so you can see the wonderful labels.

Just sharpie and duct tape; handyman's secret weapon.

Box #5

Oven

: Chimney, Lid lifter, Lid rest, Lanterns, flashlights, Lighter fluid, newspaper, long oven gloves.

This is the only small one I have. I would love to add another chimney to this, but I've done so well with one that I might just stick with my one chimney dinners.

Label down the side.

I've labeled both sides and the top.

The label has everything that is in the box on it.

Box #6:

Bedroom

: Air mattresses and pump.

I have four air mattresses and a foot pump as well as a battery operated pump. I camp in style!

Box #7

Tarps & Stakes

: It has seven tarps of varying sizes and lots of tent stakes. There is also some rope--you always need rope.

I live in the NorthWET and you can NEVER count on the weather report. In fact for this last camping trip  we left Redmond with rain in the forecast for the whole week ~frown~. We only saw a few sprinkles while we were setting up and only white puffy clouds the rest of the week! We didn't even need to dry out our tents and tarps this year: they were dry when we broke camp!

Two 10 persons tents (boy and girl/parent tents) two dining flies and our propane stove.

My two tents, propane stove, two dining flies are always ready to be thrown in the car and go! Right now they are in the middle of my garage waiting for our next adventure in four weeks. There usual home is in the shed.

Enjoying a morning sunrise on North Head Light House.

We grab these seven boxes, our tents, personal stuff and some food and we are off. Maybe in my next post I will tell how to make cooking while camping EASY and you still have GREAT food!

A Heart Attack!

My husband and I are celebrating our 23rd Valentine's Day together.  Our

first Valentine's Day, back in college, was one where neither of us had

any money and very little time.  Now to be fair and before I get much

further into this story, I wasn't serious about Steve, but I think he was

getting serious with me! I had a late class that day and disaster

struck and I ended up at the Health Center. It was clear on the other

side of the campus from where I parked my scooter. I had to call my

roommate who happened to tell me that Steve was there and he would come

get me.  Long story short: He was there hanging construction paper

hearts over my bed. It was our first heart attack!

Boy I was YOUNG!

One of the heart that was above my bed: I knew he was serious!

One of the hearts that was above my bed: YES I KEPT 'EM

Ever since that Valentine's Day we have heart attacked each other.  The Valentine's Fairy comes during the night and heart attacks the bedroom doors and leaves a balloon and a piece of candy for the occupants, even if they don't have a door (don't ask!) or live on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific (he'll get his when our friends deliver it next week).

What my Valentine's Day Fairy did to my door.

We are so blessed to have someone carrying on the tradition.

The boys room without a door.

I said, "Don't ask; they're boys."

My daughter's door.

42

Well, I turned 42 a few weeks back and had publicly stated that I was going to run 42 miles (to Seattle and back) for my birthday.  Well, I sort of did it.

Here is the story:
One day while on a 4 mile run (those are easy now), I couldn't shake the email I got from a friend about a little girl with cancer who had passed away earlier that week.  Here I was celebrating one year remission while a little girl didn't get to celebrate her fourth birthday. I was going to be turning 42 in just weeks. That more than 10 times longer than that little girl got to live. I also was (still am) having a hard time raising money for my next run. I had to do something. I made up my mind to run the Burke-Gilman/Sammamish River Trail for my birthday. It had to be close to 20 miles there and back.  I've run almost every part of it, except the top part and I would like to do it from Marymoor (home) to the end (Gasworks). (I know it isn't the "end" but that is a good "end" in my mind.) That would make 42 or so miles.

Without talking to my husband I posted it. Now it was public and I was stupid ambitious. My husband of course read about it (I didn't want say those words to him) and he told me I was silly.  He didn't say much else (I think he knows better) and just let me go about thinking I was going to pull it off.  He didn't even offer to help me (no water stop etc), but pick me up when I died.  We sort of talked about it, but for the most part he just shrugged it off and never really offered any support.

When it came time to put rubber to the trail, things changed.  The day before my long run we held a family council. (Yes, we hold weekly family council; we have to, we have kids going every which way and if we don't...well, hell breaks loose anyway, I just don't want to see what it would be without it) and the kids brought up a few good points on why I shouldn't run 42 miles the next day.

1. No medical tent at the end of the race.
2. No water stops.
3. No coaches or teammates to push me (or stop me).
4. It was the last day before Kray went off to college and he didn't want to spend it in the ER with his mom.
5. We had promised the kids a day on the town and still hadn't paid it and it had been about three summers.
6. No one wanted to cheer me on or help me.
7. I had already run 26.2 miles and was going to add another 26.2 miles during the year I turn 42 and that added up to MORE than 42 miles.

So I compromised.

I got up at 5 and ran until I hit the detour on the trail. My fear of getting lost (I have a HUGE fear of getting lost) over came me and I called Steve to come get me.  I had spent 2 hours and 30 minutes running and covered 14.3 miles that morning. I truly felt like I could have run another two hours.  I was home before the kids were all up, showered and ready for our day at the EMP.

As I thought about it I decided that during my birthday month, September, I was going to run those 42 miles. So, here is my log so far (and I'm only counting my Saturday long runs):
Sept 5th 14.3 miles
Sept 10th 12.2 miles
Sept 14th 12.2 miles
So I have logged 38 miles already and this Saturday will probably get in another12 miles. So I'll be well over my 42 miles for my birthday month.

But the whole reason I did this was to raise funds for my run in November. I don't want to beg or plead, because I'm awesome and can run so far, do it because of that girl who didn't get to see her fourth birthday.  That's why you should donate, not because I can run, but because she won't ever.

Doreen's donation page

PS: just for fun my log books says that for the year of 2011 I've run over 575 miles!

A Hard Week

Some days are harder than others and today is just one of those.  It started about a week ago and I just can't shake this sadness in my heart.

First, you have to know that I had a blood draw on Monday and those always worry me.  I got a call back on Wednesday and although my white blood count is down to a 2.6, the doctor isn't worried and hasn't scheduled a scan. I just have to come in for my next blood draw and exam (two separate appointments). I should be happy about this, but for some reason, I'm just not. I think I'm a little scared.

Well that sacred feeling is the second and third thing I want to talk about.

On Sunday a friend of mine passed away after having an asthma attack. She was only 37 and left four children, the oldest just a year older than my oldest.  This just makes me check on my life even once more.  Then this happened this week...

A "twisted sister" who had four years remission until earlier this year, heard the news that it was back. Now what is so shocking is that earlier this year it came back and so they did a bone marrow transplant and thought they got it, but her test just came back (like last night) and her cancer is back.  I just have one year under my belt.

All this together and my emotions are running hills.  Up one moment (test was OK), down the next (Makala passed), up one (doc doesn't want a scan), down the next (CW's cancer is back), down even further (attend funeral for friend), down even more (argue with family members) and so forth.  Yes, most of them are down.

I just can't seem to get a hold of my emotions and therefore the days get harder and harder. 

And the Winner is.....

For the past few months I have been struggling as to which race to do next. Last fall I did the Women's Nike in San Francisco. This fall, I just don't feel like going back there, so I didn't sign up. I thought I would just keep running like I"m supposed to and it will be all good. But I started making excuses as to why I couldn't run. On crept the weight. I just know I need to get back out there and start running, but without a race as a goal I probably will only do one or two runs a week. Not good enough.

I also have this sitting in my heart: Cancer! Well, actually it is in my blood, and I just can't shake it.

Then I have these two big thing happening within a month of each other: my forty-second birthday and my first birthday.  I need to celebrate in a big way.

So what to do, what to do.
Well for the winter TNT season (I have to run for TNT!) they are doing Honolulu and the Seattle Amica Marathon. I've flipped back and forth for about three weeks and today, I'm proud to announce two things.

1. I'm running in the Seattle Marathon. I want to do it at home Thanksgiving weekend so that my family can cheer me.  There is something cool about hearing your kids voices as you run the "bite-me" miles. It'll be sad not to have Kray there who will be in Hawaii, (so now you know why the choice was hard) but I need to do it at home.
2. For my 42 birthday I'm going to run 42 miles (or at least try). I'm going to run from Marymoor park to Gasworks and then back to Marymoor on Labor Day.  (Steve doesn't even know yet.) I'm going to sell ribbons as a fund raiser and ask my friends to run miles with me. I'm going to sell shirts too. (I've got details to work out.) I'm celebrating my first birthday and my forty-second. My remission date is August 5, 2010, and my real birthday is September 6, 1969.  I sure hope this is a success.

Now why do I do this, because today I read on a fellow TNT teammates facebook that a sweet little girl who would have been four later this month is now in Heaven.  She was diagnosed at 8 months with blood cancer and lost the fight today.  I'm doing this because there is no cure for my cancer. I'm doing this for Paul, Lilli, Mark, Colleen, Frank's dad, Shelley's mom, and more importantly for my kids. Cancer has to be stopped. It takes people's lives and screws them up! It has to be stopped and I can do it one mile at a time.

As soon as my paper work is in, I'll be sending out emails asking for donations one more time. Somebody is going to crack the cancer code and lives will be saved!

So Seattle here I come!

I Know Happiness

Today I experience a mother's best dream. The world could end tonight and it wouldn't matter. Life was prefect for one brief period. No my doctor didn't announce a cure for my cancer. No my kids weren't perfectly obedient. It was better than that, I know what heaven feels like.
Today as sacrament meeting started, Jason was the loan Priest at the sacrament table. I nudged Steve and he and Kray went and sat by Jason. There were my three young men (yes, Steve is still young). Zach D was a little late coming to the meeting, but Steve waved him off.
Then Matt and Chris passed the sacrament.  So with Mike preparing it, all my Priesthood holders were involved in the sacrament.
As I sat there looking up at my three big guys and my two younger ones passing and Mike next to me, I couldn't have been happier.  I'm sure that they could have turned the lights out and no one would have notice; I was beaming that much. I heard my mom whisper to me that this is what heaven feels like.
I now know what happiness feels like.

"Lady, you need to exercise."

Last night I was in a rather long check out line at my local grocery store. I picked the "family" check out, so all that I could look at was all the candy and gum. There are no magazines in the "family" check out line. I was bored. I couldn't read about the latest and greatest things happening to important people in the world.

As I was waiting for my groceries to be scanned the father and daughter behind me put their purchases on the belt: three Barbies. The father then asked his daughter if she wanted some candy.

"A Crunch Bar?"

"No."

"Snickers?"

"No."

I was impressed. I usually am the one saying, "NO!" I looked at the father with amazement and told him how impressed I was at her replies. He told me that his family had given up sugar. He had been showing the little girl YouTube videos of "cut men" and all of them said they had given up sugar so he was trying that and he was hoping his children would follow his lead. He wasn't very cut himself and probably need to do more than just cut out sugar, but at least that is a step in the right direction.

The little girl (who was no more than seven) then turned to me and said, "Lady, you need to exercise."

I almost didn't know how to reply. Her father was shocked and was going to say something to her, so I quickly said, "You are right, I haven't run all week. Just eight days ago I ran a marathon and I haven't run at all this week. I do need to exercise."

The father chuckled then and asked his girl if she knew how far a marathon was. She didn't and then he looked at me. I think he didn't know. I let him off the hook and jumped in and told her it was 26.2 miles. She looked at me with big brown eyes. Her dad then told her it was longer than going to the airport. Her eyes got even bigger.

But the little girl is right, I do need to exercise. I need to pick my next race and just start training. Anyone got a good one sometime this fall cuz this lady needs to exercise.

Glimpses into my Children's mind

At the start of each school day I give my kids a two minute writing assignment. It is a short and sweet thing to get our day started. Here are some examples (I left the spelling):

"My favorite sport is soccer because I love it and my coach is my butiful, lovely mother."

"My favorite person is God because he loves us and he made this world for us."

"My good wish for your race is: FINISH!"

"The thing that makes me sad is canser because it took my mom's butiful hair and my mom; we can't play with her."

"Something that meas me happy is candy because it's sweet and tasty."

"If I could have one wish it'd be that Mom didn't have cancer, but, I can't, so I'll just settle for mom winning the race, Go Mom!"

"My favorite job is "table" because it's easy and I get to ask "What's for dinner?" without getting in trouble."

"Something that makes me sad is rain, because it's here when the sky is gray and it's wet."

"A good wish for my mom's race is to finish with dignaty"

"Yesterday was great because I had fun with a nerf gun and made a new friend."

"Good wishes for my mom's race is that she will last through the race."

"Something that makes me sad is losing a soccor game. I hat losing; it makes me feel bad and sad and that is my fault."

Golly, I just love my kids!

Seven months and counting--but I still have cancer.

I posted on my Caring Bridge page that my MRI scan and blood work came back clean! That makes seven months and counting!!! But then again who is counting--ME!!!! That great news, but they still don't know why the pain. I hope it is "growing" pains and that my muscle is starting to heal.

I'm still running to help with the pain, healing (mental and physical) as well as raising money. It seems like that is the only thing I can physically do to fight my own cancer. There isn't much I can physically do, but this I can do!

I need to make something very clear; my cancer is not curable. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma does NOT have a cure at this time. That is why it is so important for me to keep getting these clean scan and blood work reports. I have a very aggressive form of NHL and the reports of re occurrence aren't great, so I have to fight. I'm sort of sad that people I love and care for aren't as supportive as I thought they would be. I know I'm not in chemo anymore, but every day I wake to the fact that I'm still fighting for my life--every single day! Not a day goes by that I'm not fighting--FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE! I truly am running to save my life!

So to my friends and family who think the fight is over--YOU ARE WRONG! My fight will not end--it can't. I still have children to raise and grand babies to kiss! This is a very lonely battle. One I fight by myself every day. That's why I pray that my scans come back clean, why I run and why I raise money. My fight is not over--and yours shouldn't be either.

Yes, I did turn in my paper work and if I don't raise the money, it will come out of my pocket--I believe in fighting my cancer that much. Please help me. You can either donate here, send me a check and/or drop me a quick email to tell me to keep fighting. I save them or those days when I'm worried, feel really lousy or just need a pick me up--a reminder of why I should fight hard to stay alive long enough for a cure to be found. Remission is great, but cured would be better!

DIGNITY

Dig-ni-ty
noun
bearing, conduct or speech indicative of self-respect or
appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation
worthiness
relative standing
a sign or token of respect

I don't have much dignity left after being subject to the medical horrors of body scans, X-rays, biopsies, surgeries, radiations, chemotherapy, and then being bald. But what little bit I have left, I would really like to hold on to. In the next 30 days I have to hop on a plane to travel and I'm not looking forward to the body pat down. See, I won't get a choice because I have a port. I will be probed once again and by someone who I don't have a relationship with nor with this person and I have any relationship after wards. I'm sure they will have little training and I'm sure it will hurt. My port hurts when I just bump it in the shower.

Rep. Sharon Cissna from Alaska knows exactly what I'm talking about. She opted for a 12 hour ferry ride from Seattle just so she wouldn't have to have a body search at Sea-Tac. I totally get it. I haven't even gone through it and I'm in tears already and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I don't like flying anyway and to add lemon juice to an open wound (yes that pun is intended) now they are going to pat me down like a criminal--all because I have a damn port in my chest!

What is so funny, is I'm not shy about showing off my port to those who want to see it. I just guess being forced to be patted down is something else altogether.

I hope I can pack my dignity in my carry on and pull it out once I land because right now I don't feel like I have any left.

I'm a W-O-M-A-N

It is hard to feel like a woman when you're bald. But after six months of growing out my hair I actually had enough to hit with a bit of bleach and then have my wonderful hair stylist trim it. She barely cut it--more like gave it a shape. Not looking too bad. I do feel a little more like a woman than before.

I'm So Proud of You Son

I don't get it. You want your special needs child to be treated normally and yet when they are and it doesn't go well you get angry.

That is what I wanted to say to someone who I encountered the other day. Let me set the stage for you. I will change the names to protect them.

A friend and I had wanted to put together some organized activities for our homeschooled kids. They are at the age where friends really start to matter and they just aren't getting that need met through church and other activities. We decided to start a Friday Fun Club. We do fun activities on Friday. My house is pretty big and pretty centrally located so my house is "it". On the third Friday we do a "parent led activity" and since it was going to be our first, I said I would lead out. I had a terrific activity planned--we were going to make pizzas and I was going to talk about Italy. Not because I love Italy, but because I love my homemade pizza and don't make it enough and it is pretty easy for kids to make. Then the day before I was in the MRI tube and while trying desperately to calm my racing heart and distract my mind from the fact that I was in a MRI machine yet again, I started thinking about the test that I should be making for my kids since we were coming to the end of our massive unit on the Human Body.

As I was thinking over all the experiments we had done, it hit me: these were perfect things for my kids to demonstrate and do with this bunch of kids coming over. Now most of the kids coming were going to be younger than my youngest so my kids would make great teachers. And there is no better way to learn than to teach something. I came home and presented this new idea to my kids. They were so excited (WHEW!). We went through the experiments we had done and they each picked a few they wanted to develop into a station. Time was against us, but we busted our bums trying to gather all the equipment necessary to put together a number of stations.

Chris (I'll just name him) was in charge of the tasting and temperature station. Chris is a very black and white kind of guy. If there is a rule, then there is a rule and don't go breaking it (just wish he would live by that all the time). For his station the kids were to taste sweet, bitter, sour and salty. He made the solutions and was using a Q-tip to apply the taste. Since it isn't fun to end with a bitter, salty or sour taste on your tongue, he also was in charge of sharing our very quick and easy treat: frosted graham crackers (YUM!). They were to get two squares and a bit of frosting and make a treat for themselves. But first, they were to ask their parent just in case there was some dietary reason they shouldn't be eating frosted graham crackers.

The other piece you need to know about is that instructions I gave to the parents before we broke up and went around to the different stations. I told them that my house was not baby proof so to please watch their children. I did my best, but I'm sure that I missed something. It would be wise if you walked around with your younger children and helped them in the stations as well as monitor their behavior. I personally didn't think I was asking too much.

There were probably six families in attendance and about 20 kids under 10 with another fix over 10 (my kids and my friends who said they would help my kids). They were perfectly behaved for their age and the parents followed them around and helped where needed, but for the most part my kids lead the stations. Now they didn't just do the experiment, but told the kids why what happened happened. (WOW! I must be a great teacher!!! They got it!!)

One of those parents was Susan (name changed) and her youngest son, Bob. Bob has many challenges in life, but none are visible. Bob was left alone for some time, but always in my eye sight. I saw him try to catch my puppy (the puppy went straight to his pen for his safety) and then pretty much ruin my oldest son's station (the oldest one doing this activity). Thankfully my son just dismissed him and let him play with the balloon (great job Mike--you handled him perfectly!). I'm not sure what happened with him in the living room, but I know Susan didn't go with him. I didn't hear anything break though--that as a good sign.

Then Bob went to Chris's station. He didn't want to do the tasting but didn't tell Chris this. He and his mom decided that they were going to have graham crackers and just took them. Chris told him he needed to do the station. As per our conversation before the kids came, Chris wanted the kids to do the station before filling their mouth with a spoon full of sweet frosting. He also wanted to make sure it was OK for him to have graham crackers. We know what it is like to have a child allergic to food and we didn't want to call 911 because someone didn't ask a simple question. He was very gentle with this kid and then Susan snapped at him. "When you have a child with needs you just go with it!" she yelled.

I turned to look what was going on and was shocked! She said it again. I very firmly told her, "Susan, you will speak kind words to my son." She then told me that her son had mental delays and that you just go with what they need, so something like that (not sure exactly because I was in shock!). Again, I firmly told her, "Susan, you will speak kind words to my son." I then looked at Chris who I could tell was biting back tears and as white as a ghost. His eyes were pleading with me, "Mom, I didn't do it, honest." I had to look away before the tears started as well.

I don't anyone but us has ever talked to him that way before. And this is the kid you don't do this to! I knew his heart was crushed. He lives for outwards approval and was getting it all day and then for Susan to crush him in such a harsh way.

She then tried to explain her actions to me, but I missed much of what she said because I was silently praying for direction because the momma bear in me was ready to rip heads off and spit out the bones! She quickly decided that she needed to leave. I didn't argue.

Now, I've interacted with this family on other occasions and this type of parenting is par for the course with this mother, but I was still in shock! I don't get it. You want your child to be treated as normal and then when that child is treated as such, you get angry? I just don't get it. Bob had nothing visible to tell my twelve year old boy he had a mental challenge. Susan didn't say anything to Chris that might have helped the situation before it turned ugly. She just yelled at my son when he was treated her son as he would any other kid in that room. You don't get crackers until after you have gone through the station. And I know Chris, he was doing it very gently. I had just watched him with the other children. He is so kind and gentle to other people's kids.

After she had left, I questioned my behavior and asked a few of the other moms there if I was out of line. They all conquered that I had behaved civilly and kindly (a first for me). Thankfully they all told Chris what a great job he did. AND HE DID! I was proud of all four of my kids. They really must have been listening when I presented this stuff because they did a FANTASTIC job in presenting their stations. They worked well with the kids and they taught the kids something fun and interesting about their bodies. They stepped up to the plate and hit a homerun!!!

After everyone had left, I spoke with Chris a little later and told him how proud I was of him for not running away or saying something hurtful in return. Later, I heard him crying and speaking to himself. I allow my kids to "yell at the mirror" if you will, when things don't go right. It helps them get the anger out and find words to their frustrations and emotions; kind of like punching a pillow instead of a sibling. I think he "yelled at the mirror" for a good 45 minutes. I heard him yell, "How was I supposed to know your child didn't know how to follow instructions. I didn't need to be yelled at. I was just doing my best. I'm just a kid myself!" Way to go Chris, you tell her!

Later that night an email came through and it was from her. I almost didn't want to read it, but I did. She sort of apologized but it was more of a long list of excuses as to why her son (and even her) acted that way they did. It was an alphabet soup of what is wrong with him and how the are in "therapy" to help deal with him. That was all nice and everything but not once in the email did she tell me to tell Chris she was sorry. NOT ONCE DID SHE TELL CHRIS SHE WAS SORRY!!!!! This was as close as she got, "Nevertheless, I should have done a better job explaining ____'s differences. Again, I apologize for being impatient with a little boy." (I wonder what "little boy" she meant.)

Like my title for this blog post; "I'm so proud of you, son!" Chris you're my rock star!

It Finally Happened

The day started out so wonderfully!!

I went to the salon and had my eyebrows done because they grew back. That is a HUGE step in my mind in getting my life back. It felt so wonderful to talk "shop" with Glenna as she did my eyebrows and then showed me how to make them look fuller and not so "light" (they are growing in more blonde than what I had before). I didn't have make up on, yet, but I sure did feel a little more like a woman.

Then I went to Costco because our family is out of a few things and it is in the next block. As I was in the check out line a man looked me straight in the face and ask, "How are you today, sir?" I didn't correct him and just let it go. I didn't even let a tear fall down my cheek.

I knew that day would come, and I thought I would be OK with it, and I was until I called Steve. I called Steve to let him know and cry on his shoulder and I did just that (only his shoulder was holding the phone that I was crying into).

I thought I was tougher than that, but I guess not. Oh, well. One day my hair will be long and beautiful again.

In passing they touched my life

I had two very different experiences happen to me that have touched my heart. One happened on the Sammamish River Trail and the other in Red Robin. Two very different experiences, yet the touch on my heart was the same.

The first incident happened on the Sammamish River Trail during one of my runs. The trail runs along the Sammamish Slough and is a local favorite for bikers, walkers, runner, roller bladers, of all sorts, from the serious athlete to the family out for an afternoon walk. I love running on this trail because there are no hills and the view is often beautiful. I've seen bald eagles in the trees. I like to make eye contact with everyone I meet on the trail and tip my hat. I don't always get a response, but I like to smile at them anyway. It makes a long run just a touch better.

On my longest run a few weeks ago, I witnessed something for only a brief moment but I've thought about it ever since. It was my long run, 180 minutes or THREE HOURS, and I had carefully set out my route so that when I was at the end I would be at a place for Steve to pick me up. I didn't want to walk a step further than I had too. My plan was to run from 60 acres to Marymoor part (45minutes to, so 90 round trip), then up past Woodinville (another 45 minutes up, so 90 round trip for 180 minutes). I had just had my turn around at Marymoor and I was struggling. My neuropathy was killing me and the five hours I spent on the soccer sidelines was catching up with me. I so desperately wanted to call it quits. I knew I couldn't but I sure did. Then I look up and there coming towards me was a man in a wheel chair. We made eye contact and we both smiled at each other.

It wasn't just his smile that made me keep going, but the thought that he was propelling himself with just his arms. I couldn't stop thinking about him. He too was "running" without a partner. A partner helps so much when you don't think you can take another step. I'm sure he would have loved to have a partner push him, just like I would have.

I made it all the way past Woodinville and was just about back to Marymoor park, when this young man in the wheelchair came "running" toward me again. We again exchanged pleasantries. He was able to smile at me after close to two hours between meetings.

I've thought about him on most every run since then. If he, a person just using his arms, can propel himself forward for over two hours with just his arms, then I'm able to keep running with both legs and arms. I wish I knew his name, but I will never forget his smile and his courage.

Tonight, Jessica and I were at dinner at Red Robin. We were close to the end of our dinner when the hostess sat a couple just across the walk way from us. The young lady caught my eye because she had a corsage on her wrist. I looked at her and noticed that she was very attractive. Then I saw her date. I knew right away that this young man was mentally challenged. His mother was with them. As the hostess directed them to the table, the young man literally leaped for joy and let out a squeal that most any young boy would give upon seeing what Santa had brought him.

They sat down and ordered drinks. I watched them for a moment and the young woman was totally engaged with this young man. She engaged both the mother and her date. He was on cloud nine and tried so hard not to squeal yet again. Their conversation must have been engaging as both the young woman and young man talked with each other. The mother put her two cents in when necessary and kept a gentle hand on her son's knee. I suspect she was keeping him in his seat.

Jessie and I finished our meal and had to leave, but I sure would have liked to stay and watched how that date ended. I don't know how that young woman will look back on that date, but I have an idea of how that young man and that mother will look back on it. I know I will remember that young woman's patience, kindness and grace as well as a mother's love and devotion.

I witnessed two people who went beyond themselves and made my life a little better. I wish to express my thanks to the four people who are total strangers to me and yet have touched my life and my heart.

It's My Birthday

June 30th Steve and I celebrated 21 years of togetherness. A few days later a son turned 15, less than a month later another son turned 13 and three weeks later my daughter turned 10. And today, September 6th, I turn 41. These are all wonderful things, things that I wasn't sure I was going to see a year ago. As many of you who read my blog know, last year around this time I was diagnosis with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It was ONLY stage 2 and supposedly very beatable, but there are stories all the time (and I've read plenty of them) of people going to see the doctor and finding cancer and within days they are gone. For every one of those stories I also read a story of someone in stage 4 beating the odds. I want to beat the odds.

Today as I celebrate my birthday I feel like I have beat those odds--at least for now.

Last year's birthday was a flop! Not only was I 40--the dreaded FOUR ZERO, but I had just been diagnosed with cancer and my father-in-law passed away on my very birthday. It was an awful day, actually all of August and September was awful.

This year was so different. Steve decided not to celebrate (you don't celebrate, but I can't say not remember--because we didn't forget) his father's passing and dwell on me and life instead. We did remember his father the day before and probably will do so for the rest of our lives. I know Steve loved his father and I loved him like my own father. He will always be near to our hearts and we miss him so dearly.

My day started out with an "easy" run. (There is no such thing when you live on a hill, but I tried.) And to make sure he was happy, I let Steve sleep in. I ate a light breakfast because I knew we were going to go to lunch. But first we had to go shopping. Steve and I decided to combine our birthday presents and buy a new bed set. We splurged and got one of those tempurpedic type beds. I sure hope that helps with these old bones. After we paid for it we decided that it was our birthday and Christmas presents for the next decade! WOW!! But we hope it is comfortable and helps us sleep better.

I then had a wonderful lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. It was my first time there and they even sang to me! I actually had a stranger come up after the song and tell me it was her birthday too. We then walked through Bellevue Square which we probably haven't done in ages. I think maybe five or six years for me, not so much for Steve (the Apple store is in that mall and he has gone there a few times).

Next to the grocery store for ingredients for Sloppy Joes as the kids were making me that for dinner. It was delicious! They even did sugared carrots. We were so stuffed that we passed on the cake and Alaskan Mud (it wasn't quite frozen). We'll have that tomorrow--celebrating an extra day.

Funny how a year ago I wasn't sure I would even see this birthday. I know this past year gave this birthday a different feel and meaning. Can't wait til next year. Happy Birthday to ME!

I don't know if I'm cured, and bringing up my health can bring me down

20. I don't know if I'm cured, and bringing up my health can bring me down

Cancers are a funny thing. There are curable cancers and there are incurable cancers. Even those who have had a cancer cured can be stricken with another type of cancer that may do them in. Cancer is still so much a mystery.

I know for a fact that my cancer right now is incurable. It can go into remission and be there for years, or it can come back and do me in. I don’t know and the doctors don't know.

If you want to talk about cancer and my diagnosis, treatment plan or prognosis, please ask. If I don't want to talk about it, I'll just let you know. I will let you know when I want to talk about it. There are days when I get good news and want to talk about it.