Some days are harder than others and today is just one of those. It started about a week ago and I just can't shake this sadness in my heart.
First, you have to know that I had a blood draw on Monday and those always worry me. I got a call back on Wednesday and although my white blood count is down to a 2.6, the doctor isn't worried and hasn't scheduled a scan. I just have to come in for my next blood draw and exam (two separate appointments). I should be happy about this, but for some reason, I'm just not. I think I'm a little scared.
Well that sacred feeling is the second and third thing I want to talk about.
On Sunday a friend of mine passed away after having an asthma attack. She was only 37 and left four children, the oldest just a year older than my oldest. This just makes me check on my life even once more. Then this happened this week...
A "twisted sister" who had four years remission until earlier this year, heard the news that it was back. Now what is so shocking is that earlier this year it came back and so they did a bone marrow transplant and thought they got it, but her test just came back (like last night) and her cancer is back. I just have one year under my belt.
All this together and my emotions are running hills. Up one moment (test was OK), down the next (Makala passed), up one (doc doesn't want a scan), down the next (CW's cancer is back), down even further (attend funeral for friend), down even more (argue with family members) and so forth. Yes, most of them are down.
I just can't seem to get a hold of my emotions and therefore the days get harder and harder.
First, you have to know that I had a blood draw on Monday and those always worry me. I got a call back on Wednesday and although my white blood count is down to a 2.6, the doctor isn't worried and hasn't scheduled a scan. I just have to come in for my next blood draw and exam (two separate appointments). I should be happy about this, but for some reason, I'm just not. I think I'm a little scared.
Well that sacred feeling is the second and third thing I want to talk about.
On Sunday a friend of mine passed away after having an asthma attack. She was only 37 and left four children, the oldest just a year older than my oldest. This just makes me check on my life even once more. Then this happened this week...
A "twisted sister" who had four years remission until earlier this year, heard the news that it was back. Now what is so shocking is that earlier this year it came back and so they did a bone marrow transplant and thought they got it, but her test just came back (like last night) and her cancer is back. I just have one year under my belt.
All this together and my emotions are running hills. Up one moment (test was OK), down the next (Makala passed), up one (doc doesn't want a scan), down the next (CW's cancer is back), down even further (attend funeral for friend), down even more (argue with family members) and so forth. Yes, most of them are down.
I just can't seem to get a hold of my emotions and therefore the days get harder and harder.