I want you to help without my asking you to

14. I want you to help without my asking you to.

This statement may seem to contradict #6, but it doesn't. This is talking about physically helping me. Just jump in and do it. Right after I was diagnosed with cancer, my beloved father-in-law passed away. We went to the funeral and while we were away we left our home and dog in care of a friend. When we came home my house was clean. I sat at my kitchen table and wept. I had some great friends who did something that, although I could have done myslef, they stepped up and did it and gave me one of the best gifts that week that anyone could have given me.

I have watched dinners come through my door and I know they were not asked for (I haven't asked for them) and I'm not sure who is even in charge of making them come in, but they are so wonderful. I truly feel blessed with friends who just do it without asking. I truly feel blessed when I have family who do it. My own children will just get in and pick something up--even if it isn't their job. That is awesome. Of course they don't do it all the time, but when they do, it is so nice. It makes going to bed in pain just a little better.

There are many things that I would like to have done, but don't want to ask to have done because I'm embarrassed that I can't do them. I can't clean my house. The chemicals alone might do me in. I don't have the strength, and yet that is the one thing I need the most; a home without bacteria or viruses hiding in the corners. Vacuuming the floor takes every ounce of strength and after I've done it I'm down for the next hour or two. Folding laundry is a two hour job. Scrubbing my toilet or shower is enough to put me to bed for the rest of the day. There is no way I can even weed my garden or flower beds. The bacteria found in dirt which normally is so good for us is enough to send me to the ICU for a week. And we won't even talk about my pet and other animal droppings found outside that are extremely harmful to my weakened immune system. But I won't ask for those things to be done--it is too embarrassing to ask for someone to come wash your sheets--the sheets that you spend 18-20 hours a day snuggled up in. It really is embarrassing to ask for help when you are the mom.

It truly is the little things that matter. If I really don't want you to do that, then I'll let you know.