17. Hearing platitudes or what's good about cancer can trivialize my feelings.
First one must know what a platitude is. A platitude is "a flat, dull or trite remark, especially one uttered as if it were fresh or profound." I couldn't have said it better and that is exactly how it sounds in my ears. It doesn't help and only makes things worse. I know most people mean well and usually say something stupid because they don't know what to say. I understand that and because of that I will forgive and forget, but please know that saying "you could have been hit by a bus" or "well, at least you will know what you die from" just hurts. The smile on my face when you say that is only there because if I opened my mouth you would see a bloodied tongue because I am biting it.
Here are a few I've heard or never want to hear:
"You must be strong to get cancer."
"You could get hit by a bus."
"This must have happened for a reason."
"God must love and trust you a lot."
"Everything is going to be fine."
"You'll be fine."
"Cancer is a gift." (A gift is something I want to give to someone; I don't want to give cancer to anyone.)
So what do you say to me?
How about saying:
"I love you."
"I'm praying for you."
"I love you."
"This is hard."
"I love you."
"I'm here for you."
"I love you."
And if you can't think of anything how about this one, "My heart and ears are open to listen to you anytime, no matter what."
I won't stop you from saying stupid things, but I don't have to like it. If I happen to walk away, shake my head or bite my tongue, please know that you have started speaking platitudes, clichés and untruths. Just put yourself in my shoes. Do you want to listen to the words that you just said? If not, try something different. This is hard for both of us. Many of you really don't know what to say, that's OK. I don't know what to say either. Please try a warm hug, a "How are you feeling?" (if you have time for the answer) or better yet, "Doreen, I'm thinking about you and I love you."
First one must know what a platitude is. A platitude is "a flat, dull or trite remark, especially one uttered as if it were fresh or profound." I couldn't have said it better and that is exactly how it sounds in my ears. It doesn't help and only makes things worse. I know most people mean well and usually say something stupid because they don't know what to say. I understand that and because of that I will forgive and forget, but please know that saying "you could have been hit by a bus" or "well, at least you will know what you die from" just hurts. The smile on my face when you say that is only there because if I opened my mouth you would see a bloodied tongue because I am biting it.
Here are a few I've heard or never want to hear:
"You must be strong to get cancer."
"You could get hit by a bus."
"This must have happened for a reason."
"God must love and trust you a lot."
"Everything is going to be fine."
"You'll be fine."
"Cancer is a gift." (A gift is something I want to give to someone; I don't want to give cancer to anyone.)
So what do you say to me?
How about saying:
"I love you."
"I'm praying for you."
"I love you."
"This is hard."
"I love you."
"I'm here for you."
"I love you."
And if you can't think of anything how about this one, "My heart and ears are open to listen to you anytime, no matter what."
I won't stop you from saying stupid things, but I don't have to like it. If I happen to walk away, shake my head or bite my tongue, please know that you have started speaking platitudes, clichés and untruths. Just put yourself in my shoes. Do you want to listen to the words that you just said? If not, try something different. This is hard for both of us. Many of you really don't know what to say, that's OK. I don't know what to say either. Please try a warm hug, a "How are you feeling?" (if you have time for the answer) or better yet, "Doreen, I'm thinking about you and I love you."