A Stop Sign Along My Route

I'm trying to speed read my way through The Book of Mormon which means no looking up footnotes, no searching and studying. I'm just trying to get through The Book of Mormon and get a since of the book and the spirit of it. I can not tell you how hard this is. I have had to stop reading them out of my hard copy of scriptures. The one that I have had since I left home; in fact they have my maiden name still one them. They aren't tattered because I have treasured them and made sure they are still in good condition BUT they are marked and loved like nothing before. This causes a problem when I'm reading. I stop and read my notes and then I get bogged down. This is only a problem because I'm trying to speed read through the Book of Mormon.

I found the solution; my PDA. It doesn’t have any of my markings and it is so portable. But I'm still having troubles. I'm stopping to make notes, and there are still the footnotes and they are so easy to get to--just touch the superscript letter and up pops a window, and as they use to say in seminary, "The chase is on." The other problem I have, is that I don't get a real study time. I am a mom of too many that my alone time is short and often far between. This year I have come up with a special little time and as long as traffic is with me I get a good 20-30 minute scripture time with no distractions.

I take Kray to seminary, run to the gym and meet him back at the building after he has gone over to a friends house while they wait for school to begin. If I get my workout done in a timely manner and traffic is not so bad, I get back to the building with about 20 minutes before he comes back.

Well, I was doing well until I hit Alma 37 (I made it through the first part of Alma). Then I ran over these verses:

34 Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.

35 O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God.

36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

And then in the next chapter these two verses:

5 And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delievered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness.

If you know anything about me, I'm a busy mother. I'm homeschooling six children, coaching two soccer teams, putting on monthly ward activities, teaching classes, one many non-profit boards, running conferences, talking at homeschooling support groups and just plain trying to keep my head above water. I am weary and I'm doing good works, but I enjoy it--totally. Yes, I have those days when I want to throw it all away, but I love being involved in many things, especially if they involve my children. There is no better joy than seeing your children succeed and doing good works. I try to be very meek and lowly (or as I read it as humble). I try not to do it for praise, glory or income. In fact this "good work" usually costs me. I just hope my heart is really in the right so that I may find the rest.

In verse 36 it says that we are to "cry." I can not tell you how often tears are flowing down my face as I ask for peace and rest. I don't mean to stop being busy, I just want a few things to go my way. In particular my children and their interaction with the rest of the family.

But I think chapter 38 says I'm doing too much and I'm not putting enough trust in the Lord. I'm not sure, but I sometimes think I'm not letting the Lord direct all my thoughts and actions. (OK, I know not my actions because I have a hot temper. Just ask my spouse and children.) I use boldness and overbearance. I need to get rid of the forcing my ideas. I need to bridle my passion as I have many. I think those are the things I need to work on the most.

If the scripture is true then I will be filled with love. I think that is my biggest downfall is that my actions do not say that "I love you" especially when dealing with members of my family. I have many things to repent of. In these few verses, I see these:

More heartfelt prayer

Heart in the right place in my "good works"

Slowing down (learn to say NO!)

Listen more closely to the prompting

Be bold but gentle

Bridle my passions

Be more diligent in having my actions say, "I love you" to those in my home (we will start there and branch out)

I continue to still ponder on these scriptures and see them in new light. So much for speed reading through the Book of Mormon. I know I'm going to have a hard time finishing Third Nephi as it is my favorite.