I forgot how good it feels to cry because of happiness. I've had good news many times in my life but today, probably tops them all! It's even a little selfish good news, but for five years I've held my breath!
I know I've talked about high fives for five years of living with cancer, but today's phone call kind of puts an exclamation point on that fact.
My favorite nurse called and said, "There were no sings of cancer cells in the samples they took, You are still cancer free."
So I posted this picture of a minion (he's so cute) on facebook and then turned around and looked at my son who is on the computer next to me and all of a sudden waves of tears fell down my face. WOW!
I forgot how good it feels to breathe.
I forgot how good it feels not to worry.
I forgot how good it feels to live.
I forgot how good it feels to cry because of happiness.
Now, let's wipe them away and do a little happy dance!!!
I remember the day I was told I had cancer. Jessie's soccer team had practice right after my doctor's appointment. I literally went straight from the doctor's office to Marymoor Park. I didn't know what to do with my emotions so I had the girls stand in a circle, then we all turned around (backs to each other) and screamed! I remember screaming so loud that I hurt my own ears. (Boy that emotion just swept over me again!) The girls giggled and I thought to myself, "Yes, it is kind of funny a 40 year old woman screaming with a bunch of 10 year-olds." I started to giggle too. I thought "How mature" and yet, it was mature because it was natural. Just like today I want to get up and dance and scream for joy. Yes, that's very mature for a 45 year old to scream for joy, but dang it! It's been a LONG FIVE YEARS.
Every few weeks you hold your breath that your blood work comes back "clean" and "normal". Then every six months you pray even harder that that scan was "clean". Then when they say, "We need another test" you pray even harder that it comes back "clean" and when it does......you CELEBRATE!!! Because you can breathe again.
Tears feel good today just as they did five year ago when the those little girls gave me a hug because I asked them to right after our guttural screaming contest. Tears of happiness are just as cleansing as tears of sadness and grief.